Harry Potter Imagines

"Too Good" (Sirius)

agnes just stop and think a minute

why don't you light that cigarette and

calm down now stop and breathe a second

go back to the very beginning

You and your close friends were never ones to fit in with the crowd, which was probably why you were Gryffindors. You were marauders.

The five of you- James, Remus, Lily, Sirius, and you- had grown closer and closer over your years at Hogwarts, and had established a reputation as the n'er-do-wells, the troublemakers, the experimenters, the rule-breakers, the liars, the thieves, the cheats.

You and your friends had never been liked by teachers or other students, rather, you were feared by all. And with no authority to reign over you, you had spiraled out of control.

You, like Sirius and Lily and Remus, didn't come from a happy home. Lily struggled to fit into her family of muggles that refused to accept her. Remus knew nothing other than fear since he had been attacked by a werewolf at the age of three. And Sirius was the oddball from a family of blood-purists, the only one who refused to conform, and for this reason he was shunned.

You had always been the most extreme of your friends. You had been abandoned by the only person who could ever love you, the one who was supposed to love you, your father, two years before. He had never been exactly reliable, but he was always there, somewhere, reading your letters and sending birthday gifts. He was out there somewhere, and you had believed that he loved you as he said he did. But then, when you went home for summer break, he was gone, along with all of your belongings, and your house was no longer yours. He had abandoned you. He had stopped all communication. He was completely and inexplicably gone, forever.

can't you see what was different then?

you were just popping percocets

maybe just four a week at best

maybe a smoke to clear the head

Sirius had always been your release.

When you and your friends first started experimenting, it was with harmless things. Sneaking into Hogsmeade, learning your animagus and refusing to register it, experimenting with jokes and pranks on the Slytherins and younger students.

Then, with age, emotions spilled over. Everything at home seemed to go from bad to worse, for everyone. There was no release, no way to forget the abandonment and disappointment each of you had faced.

Each of you had turned to other things: alcohol, drugs, and each other, slowly at first and then all at once. None of you could start to think what it felt like not to be high off something, but you didn't care. Because sometimes, for these small blissful moments, you were free from everything that you desperately needed to forget. And after a time, nobody questioned anything anymore.

You and Sirius had turned to each other. The two of you had always been closer to each other than to the rest of your friends for no obvious reason. It started with a simple kiss in your third year, a failed attempt to forget, and turned into so much more.

your head is so numb

that nervous breath you try to hide

between the motions

that trembling tender little sigh

Sirius' hair was windswept, his eyes blazing, a cigarette hanging lazily from his mouth. You were always captivated by him. He was reckless and unpredictable and physically perfect. You never felt safe around him, but at the same time you could never stand to be anywhere but with him.

You were doing your potions homework for the first time in a while, up in the astronomy with your back pressed against the railing. Sirius was a few feet away and facing you, his dark eyes burning holes through you while you attempted to finish an essay at least once during your seventh year at Hogwarts.

"Come here, love," Sirius rasped quietly, motioning over and holding open his arms for you.

You could never say no to Sirius Black. 

And so it goes

A choking rose back

To be reborn

I wanna hold you like you're mine.

quotes from "agnes" by glass animals

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thank you. thank you so much for reading this! it means so so so much to me, you don't even know. 

question. what's your patronus? (answer by commenting!) 

answer. thestral (the winged horse that pulls the hogwarts carriages, and you can only see it if you've mourned the death of someone I think??)