Thankfully the morning sickness had passed and I was feeling much better when I left for Singapore. Now eight weeks pregnant a small bump had formed. Not enough to notice unless I was wearing something skin tight, which I did not intend to do. Although it made the pregnancy all that more real. I had gone to the doctor and seen an ultrasound. The baby was growing fine and in a two months I would find out the sex of the baby. It was scary and exciting at the same time. Not telling anyone about my pregnancy was extremely hard. It has been really weighing on my mind and it is beginning to be hard to carry this burden alone.
I arrived at the track and already knew I didn’t want to go anywhere near the Ferrari. I decided to text Sebastian and see if he could hang out with me. He quickly responded and asked meet him at the hotel after he got out of a press conference. To kill time I went and got some coffee and a bagel. It was still the day before practice so there was no one to talk to about Ferrari so I just walked around the paddock and watched the people busy doing their jobs. I saw Kimi and Minttu from afar. He was holding her hand and whispering something in her ear. She was wearing a very short dress and high heels that made her as tall as he was. I turned away quickly as a tear slid down my cheek. The hormones from my pregnancy only made the ache of my heart breaking worse. I decided to head back to the hotel and hope Sebastian was almost done.
When I got to his room I knocked on the door and thankfully Sebastian opened the door within seconds. His smile turned into a frown when he saw the tears streaming down my face. He pulled me into his room and sat me down on his bed where I proceeded to cry into his shoulder.
“Whats wrong?” he asked when I finally stopped crying for a moment.
“Sebastian I’m pregnant.” I blurted out without thinking. He sat there silent and in shock for a moment. I could see him in deep thought. I knew he was trying to figure out if it was Kimi’s or not. It was not easy to make Sebastian speechless, but I had done it.
“By who? And how long?” He finally spoke.
“You can’t tell anyone.” I said sternly.
“Of course not.” he nodded.
“No really. You can’t tell anyone. You can’t let this slip accidentally. No one else can know.” I reiterated how serious this was. “and if you let anyone know. Anyone at all I will make sure you never race again. Got it?” He nodded. I sighed.
“It’s Kimi’s and I’ve been pregnant for 8 weeks now.” I frowned. A smile came to there German’s face, but then it faded.
“But he is with Minttu.” Sebastian was being especially slow today.
“Yes, this was before that.” I said
“So he doesn’t know?” Sebastian’s eyes went wide.
“No and you can’t tell him.” I stuck a finger in his face threateningly.
“I wont.” he said like a child who had been punished “but I think you should.”
“I can’t Sebastian.” I groaned.
“He would want to know that he is a father. You know he would take care of his child. He would leave Minttu.” Sebastian was acting just like my grandfather.
“He is happy with her. I can’t ruin it.” I shook my head.
“Will you think about it?” he asked.
“I have.” I crossed my arms.
“Alright.” he sighed. Sebastian started to get up, but then sat back down. “How are we going to keep this from him?”
“We?” I asked.
“Yes, now that you’ve told me. I’m in in on this too. I need to know what to say to my best friend when he asks me how you’re pregnant.” Sebastian explained.
“He won’t find out. I’m going to hide the pregnancy till the end of the season and then I just wont come back. He will be happy with Minttu and never think of me again and I will raise this baby in peace.” I told him.
“Don’t be stupid Heidi. You know that won’t work.” Sebastian’s words were like a slap across the face. “People, the media, Kimi, they will all notice you getting bigger. The season doesn’t end for two months and you will be almost half way through your pregnancy.”
“Well just tell them I’m getting fat.” I hissed, tears were stinging my eyes. “Sebastian. Please help me make this work. Please, Kimi cant know. He just can’t.” I pleaded.
“I’ll do what I can.” The German sighed. He wiped the tears from his eyes. “But, what if it does come out that you are pregnant? What do I say?”
“You have to lie.” I said.
“And tell them what?” he pressed.
“Tell them it was a one night stand.” I shrugged.
“They’ll call you a whore. They will drag your name through the mud.” Sebastian tried to reason with me.
“I really don’t care.” and I didn’t nothing has gone the way that it has planned. I have lost every single thing I care about, which the exception of my grandfather. Nothing matters anymore, except taking care of this baby. I have resolved that I will never have Kimi, but I will have this precious child of ours. This one piece of him has to be enough for me.
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Practice was an hour away when I walked into the paddock. I wore a Ferrari shirt and hat along with a white skirt and sneakers. I dreaded going to the Ferrari garage, though I knew if I stayed away any longer it would look suspicious. When I walked into the garage I was thankful that I didn’t see Dasha or Minttu anywhere. Just the team and the boys. I walked over to Fernando’s side of the garage because I still knew I couldn’t be anywhere near Kimi.
“Look who finally shows her face.” Fernando joked. I smiled back at him. “I was beginning to think you were embarrassed of us.”
“Nope, I’ve just been busy.” I lied.
“Well. You should hang around more. I think you might be good luck. We always seem to win every time you’re around.” Fernando wore a big grin.
“I’m glad that’s all that matters. That I help you win.” I joked.
“And we miss you too. Right Kimi?” Fernando said. Kimi grunted from the other side of the garage. He was probably glad I wasn’t around. I bet he can’t wait to have me out of his life. I sat down on one of the tool boxes .
“Well, I’ll see if I can make more frequent appearances. So you can keep winning.” I winked.
“That’s the spirit Heidi.” Fernando smiled and then went to get ready for practice.
I looked over to Kimi’s side of the garage. I couldn’t help but glance at him and to my surprise he was staring back at me. He looked sad. Our eyes locked for a second and then he quickly looked away. Sadness overwhelmed me and I had to leave before I started crying. The hormones from the pregnancy made my emotions ten times worse. I decided to go search for some ice-cream.
Once I had my ice-cream I walked back towards the Ferrari garage. I almost ran into Kimi as I entered the back of the garage. Kimi and I stood there awkwardly for a moment. He looked at my ice-cream and then finally back up at me.
“You didn’t get me one.” he stated.
“I didn’t know you wanted one.” I was caught off guard that he was talking to me.
“Do I ever not want ice-cream?” he asked.
“Right, you’re right. That was stupid of me.” I started to trip over my words awkwardly.
“Next time don’t forget.” he said and then left the garage.
“Yeah, next time.” I mumbled.
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