Impossible (Jerrie)

thirty four

Perrie's pov

I slowly opened my eyes from the deep sleep I was in and immediately realising that Alex wasn't here,besides me. So,I wanted to reach for my phone that was on the nightstand,but I couldn't find it.

I stand up and I start searching it with my eyes all across the room. When,again,I couldn't find it,I sood up  and started looking for it properly.

No track of it. There weren't so many information in it,but still,it was my phone,I treat it like a baby. My baby.

I went to the kitchen,to look for Alex. He was eating cereal and watching whatever is on the news. That's when I notice my phone,standing on the kitchen counter. I immediately ran to grab it,and Alex left out a little giggle.

"You can't live without your phone,can you?" Alex says in a slowly american accent,and I started laughing at his childish behaviour.

"No,I can't. I have a day off today,want to so something?" I ask,putting my hands around his neck

"Actually,I have to meet up with some friends. Maybe another time"

"Okay.." I say a little dissapointed.

*

I was lying on the couch,watching a boring movie,as bored as I am now. So,I decided to text Alex to see of he's on his way home. When I open the app,I see that the first conversation is the one with Jade,and I haven't texted her in a long time.

Me: Stop seeking confort in Jed. Try to make other friends,because your old ones kinda left. Goodbye Jadey.

When did I even sent that? Even if me and Jade broke up,I still loved her and I wouldn't say something like this to her,especially over a text. I don't even remember sending this text to her. Then,it hit me. Alex. Was it a coincidence that I couldn't find my phone this morning and it was in the kitchen,where Alex was?

I always spend time on my phone before I go to sleep,so there is no chance I forgot it in the kitchen last night. He took my phone. He sent this text.

I started freaking out. Now Jade will think I hate her,when is the opposite. She will avoid eye contact on the hallways,and I couldn't take this. I called her. I know,a smart move,of course she wouldn't answer after that text.

It was almost 12am,I was still alone. My thoughts were eating me alive,the feeling of guilt,even if I didn't sent the text,Jade didn't know that. And I am 100% sure she's with Jed,so he might think that I am an awful person for hurting Jade like that.

Alex didn't change. Bullshit. He made me think Jade wasn't good enough for me. He made me fight with her over the most stupid things.

"Can't you see,he's changing you"

My mind was full of awful and bad things,and I snapped. I was crying uncontrollably,I could barely see what's in front of me. My hands were shaking,as my vision.

I was looking at old pictures of me and Jade. I hated for doing this to myself,but I needed to remeber beautiful memories from my past. I was scrolling though the gallery,and I stopped at one photo that caught my eye.

It was from her birthday party. We had cake all over our faces and we were smiling widely at the camera. I remember that day perfectly. We avoided her for 2 days,to make all a surprise. She was so pissed off. I liked her habituations. When she is nervous,she couldn't stop moving. When she is pissed off,she plays with her hair.

Another photo is from the first project we did togheter. We were in the library,with bored faces,not even looking at the camera. That day was so boring,I will never forget it.

She didn't knew all of this small things about her,but I did. I hated myself for still being in love with her,she moved on from me,she had Jed,who is always there for her,when I wasn't. I hate myself for not asking her too often "are you okay?" or if she needed me.