Some Marichat Drabbles

A Ruined Image

It seems that every, as Adrien, I'd always make myself a fool for Marinette.  By now, it was pretty clear that Marinette's fickle relationship with me was neutral at the moment.  However, I can't really blame her for seeing me as a player of feelings, but it really bothered me for the fact that I never was one.  I never wanted to be a player of feelings.  But I unknowingly and unintentionally played with her feelings, in a way that I never considered to be playing a person's feelings. 

From day one, I remembered when Marinette hated my existence for "putting a chewed-up gum on her seat" four years ago.  Which, of course was Chloe's handy work.  After a few confirmations about the incident, she and I became fast friends.  However, I often noticed that she acted a little bit shy around me.  For no apparent reason, I still had the feeling that she still hated me for the gum incident.  But she didn't.  Marinette liked me.  Not as a friend.  More than a friend.

And that is where I screwed up, again.  At first, I thought that Marinette only liked me for my praised image as a flawless, handsome, Parisian model-boy.  But she didn't.  Instead, she like me for being kind and considerate towards her.  For once, a person who admired me didn't like me for my image.  But after that "incident", I screwed up.  When I found out about her admiration towards me, I never really accepted her feelings.  But now, I regret it.  I regret it all.

But then, I used Chat Noir to comfort her.  I often speculated how Marinette never got akumatized, considering how much of a fool I have acted towards her.  Chat Noir-I never really understood her, until I spent a majority of my time with her.  I never knew of her sassy and sarcastic side, that reminded me of Ladybug.  I never knew that she hated stuck-up people and slow Wi-Fi.  But what really shook me was that I never knew how much that Marinette hated her life.  However, I wouldn't say that she's depressed.  Just gloomy all the time.  I used Adrien to take her apart, but used Chat Noir as an excuse to put her back together.

I knew that I needed to treat her better as Adrien.  I definitely knew that I needed fix my ruined image.  I knew that I needed to make things right between me and her.  For some reason, I never really thought things through in Marinette's perspective.  Not that I knew what she thought of me, anyways.  I had to stop using Marinette as an excuse of why my life seemed so dull.

However, I often watch many Japanese anime in French subtitles.  And even though most of the translation seems inaccurate, they still made sense in a weird way.  In one anime that I watched in French (Koe No Katachi), a bully who torments a deaf girl receives a hard hit of karma.  He accepted the karma as a steady lesson of why you shouldn't bully a deaf person (or bully a person in general).  I watched, as he tried to make things right between them.  Just when he thought that he received forgiveness for his malicious actions, the girl still tries to commit suicide.  Even if I try to make amends with Marinette, she'll probably have a firm chance of being akumatized.

It all seemed so unfair.  Towards Marinette, that is.  I knew that she was quite sensitive but yet, I still held her feelings on a yo-yo; playing with it, until the string snaps.  The problem was that I was too oblivious to even notice her inner feelings.  Just the clothes that she wears to school.

Chloe was part of the reason, too.  She tormented Marinette, to the point where Marinette shows self-loathing.  Sometimes, Chloe even drives her to the edge of a sharp thought of self-harm (Marinette never attempts it).  I always stood up against Chloe, especially when Marinette is the victim; but it almost never goes right.  Being the oblivious fool that I am, I used to thought that Chloe was just "teasing" Marinette.  You know; the things that people do, to intentionally make you laugh.  You guessed it.  I was wrong.

I am a fool. 

One who clearly doesn't know how to handle another person's feelings. 

A fool who has ruined his image to a person whom he wants to earn trust from.  

If I were to look at me from Marinette's eyes, I'd see myself as a model with a ruined image.