Secrets Cause Silence ✓ [Secrets Book 2]

-[Chapter Seven]-

                  What the fuck is wrong with me?
                         Don't fit in with anybody
                      How did this happen to me?
             Wide awake I'm bored and I can't fall asleep
                 And every night is the worst night ever

                                  I'm just a kid
  
                 I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
                  I'm just a kid, I know that it's not fair
            Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
                 Nobody wants to be alone in the world.

                                 I'm all alone tonigt
                                          Nobody Cares tonight.

                           I'm Just A Kid: Simple Plan

Chapter Seven

My only saving grace was that I was still seventeen and my parents wanted this huge wedding to make them look good so they put off any planning until I was eighteen and out of high school because god forbid people think that I’m too young or it’s rushed.

Or even worse that I’m only getting married because I was pregnant.

Those all went around and so they wanted to wait to show that we were this perfect happy couple and I was indeed not pregnant and I would never be if I could help it.

There was no way that I would bring a child into this world, my dreams of getting out and being married in love, watching my children grow up disappeared the first time he brought his friends home. I would never put my child through what I went through and I would never subject them to the abuse I faced.

It was one thing for me to deal with it but for my baby to would be unacceptable.

I would be damned if I carried a rapists child in my stomach as well, that though was sickening. I never thought I would ever make that decision but I already did decide that if I was pregnant I would terminate the pregnancy.

It would kill me but it would be what was best, he would never let me give the baby up and I wouldn’t make them suffer and I wouldn’t even know who the father was at this point.

When graduation came I finished second in my class and got a beating that night for not finishing first, my parents told me I embarrassed them and that I was just too stupid to take first and that made me suddenly look down on myself because maybe If I studies more then I could have.

I knew they would never be happy with me but there was a part of me that just wanted to do something  right, just something to make them say they were proud of me, something to make the beatings stop, just something.

I grew up quick because I had to but there was that irrational part of me waiting for them to call off the wedding and take me away from him, for them to say they were sorry for everything they ever did to me and tell me they loved me.

There was a part of me screaming inside for them to be the parents every child deserved to have.

It was ironic I was silently begging them to take me away from the hell I was in with Than when I was so happy with him at the beginning because I thought he would take me away from my parents. I would take a beating from my dad every night if it meant I could go back home and get away from him.

I would take my father’s fists over Than’s knife every single time.

My mom started planning my wedding and to make her more pleasant I would go along with it and always meet with her in public. She was annoyed at first but as long as she could pick some nice country club or a ritzy place then she had no problem parading the huge wedding plans in front of everyone or gushing excessively over my entirely too large ring.

That ring always felt too heavy, heavy with the reality of what it would mean for my life.

Any normal person may have just said screw them all and ran away or reported it or something and I knew I was weak not to, they had been telling me that my whole life and I learned to accept it and not let it bother me.

I just knew that they would do something drastic and they would win if I took it to court. No one would believe me. I had no proof he was doing it, only that it had happened.

I was already a whore, I’ve slept with four men, one he didn’t care about in case I did decide to tell, someone he could blame it all on. He never brought the knife then he just laid on the threats and told me to enjoy it while he watched.

I can’t believe he got aroused watching this.

I can’t believe he would get aroused by doing it.

I can’t believe this was truly the person he was.

I faked through it every time and kept my eyes closed like usual and my hands by my side. I did it because if I was good and didn’t complain and made him think I was into it he would tell me I was good and he would leave me alone for the night.

He would go find some other girl to screw for the week, which was the only think I could trust him on, that if I was good he and his friends would leave me alone for a whole week. He would still hit me but at least he wouldn’t force himself on me and to me it was a necessary price to pay.

This other guy was at least nice and gentle. He didn’t hurt me or cut me and it wasn’t painful. I wasn’t held down and It was only once or twice from him instead of the three to nine for the other men.

For that blissful week I wouldn’t have to beg for it to stop, it just would. I never went to get a kit done after he came because while I knew he wasn’t the best guy I knew that he didn’t know what was going on, than made sure that lights were off so he couldn’t see much and my scars had make up over them.

I can’t believe he would actually go this far to try to cover his tracks and that he would think of this elaborate cover up, that he would go that far but he did.

I may be planning this wedding but I hoped with what was left of my soul that I wouldn’t actually have to walk down that isle.

i'd say this is at least half done. i was actually being serious when i said short story! haha 
to me it's enough to paint a picture of the abuse  for those who want to read it but it's not overly detailed and graphic and then we can move on to Truth In Words!

Who's ready for Addie to press charges and for more Liam? lol