His heart hurt. His eyes stung. Dried tear tracks covered his face. His hands clutched hopefully at the pillow he had pressed against his chest. The others words echoed through his head. What hurt the most was the fact of Seyoon agreeing with the others while he fought his heart out for them.
"It would be better if you two broke up. Think of the group. The sooner, the better." Junhee said to the duo cuddling on the couch. He knew how much the two cared for each other, so even suggesting the idea hurt him, but it was for the group. A break-up further into their career could ruin everything that they've worked for.
Byeongkwan fumed at the leaders words. His hands letting go Seyoon's waist, afraid of hurting the oldest. "You can't just have us break up! We've together for so long already, what the hell. I understand that you're the leader and you're just trying to look out but damn it! I've given up so much already I don't want to give-"
"Okay." Seyoon said, his voice void of emotions as he unwrapped his arms from around byeongkwan, pushing him off of his lap. The oldest stood off the couch, patting Junhee on the shoulder as he walked out, not sparing Byeongkwan a single glance. The moment he walked out, Byeongkwan broke.
Here he was, hours later hurting. He was afraid to leave the comfort of his bed, afraid to run into Seyoon. It hurt. Byeongkwan wasn't ready to give up the older, but if Seyoon was ready to give up him, he'd accept it. He had to accept the fact the person he gave his heart to, no longer wanted it. Byeongkwan was used to it. He was used to be toyed with. He was used to being unwanted a few months into a relationship. He was used to it, but that didn't mean it hurt any less.
Byeongkwan pulled the pillow closer to his chest as he felt another wave of tears begin to fall. He buried his face into top of the pillow, hiding his face from the world. A knock sounded on the bedroom door, forcing him to pull the covers over him before croaking out a come in. He didn't want his members to see him like this. He didn't want them to see him crying, face puffy and swollen. The door opened, letting light shine over the lump on the bottom bunk.
"Byeongkwan. Can, can we talk?" His voice rung out, causing Byeongkwan's heart to stutter. "Listen, I, I don't care if you want to talk, I just, I want to explain." Seyoon stuttered and his voice cracked towards the end of his sentence. It's been hours of thinking of how to word what he wanted to say, ever since Junhee made his announcement. Byeongkwan poked his head out from underneath the covers, lifting a hand to motion for the older to talk. He couldn't trust his voice, knowing Seyoon was right there, so close but so far at the same time.
"I'm sorry." Seyoon took a deep breathe before he tried to speak, trying to collect his thoughts for a second. "I'm so fucking sorry. I, I know you were putting up a fight for us. I know you were going to argue and try your best for us to stay together, I know. I want us to be together just as much, but shit you've given up so much for this group, that I don't want you to lose your opportunity. I care so much, so so so much about you Byeongkwan. That's why I didn't fight. I know in time you can get over me, but losing the group is something I'm not going to let you do just for my selfish want. I love you so much and I want to see you succeed. I'll be there by your side the entire time, I just, Junhee's right. What if we break up further down the road and one of has to go? No matter what I'd be the one leaving. I care too much about you." He paused, taking a deep breathe before continuing. "Is it wrong that I wanted to stand up against Junhee and yell at him for suggesting such a stupid idea? Is it selfish that I want you all for myself? You mean so much to me and I only want to see you succeed and be happy." Seyoon's voice cracked with his unanswered questions. A sigh escaping his lips at the silence that greeted him in return.
He slid down the wall, gripping at his hair as tears pricked his eyes. He didn't want to lose Byeongkwan, but if it meant his success he would give up everything for the younger. He wanted nothing more than for Byeongkwan to be happy with time.
Byeongkwan had tears falling down his cheeks as he pushed the covers off of himself. His feet hit the ground with a soft thud, making his way over to the older. He sat on his knees in front of Seyoon, grabbing his wrists making the older look at him. The two boys stared at each other as Byeongkwan pulled Seyoon's hands away from his hair. He intertwined their hands together, staring at the older boy's tear stained face.
"I want what's best for you too. Seyoonie, is it selfish that I want to stay like this forever? Just being here with you? Can't we just tell Junhee that we're going to make this work? Can't you just fight for me this once. My happiness is with you." Byeongkwan spoke, staring into the older's eyes. Seyoon nodded, unable to speak. He squeezed the younger boy's hands as a reassurance that he would fight for him with his entire heart. Bueongkwan leaned forward pressing his forehead against Seyoon's, eyes flickering down to the older boy's lips. Seyoon leaned forward, softly kissing Byeongkwan as a promise they would fight to stay with each other.
~~~
Thank you to Lyn for this idea <33
