To start with I really liked the italic wording at the beginning of each chapter. It stands out from other works and gives you a sense of uniqueness. There were some moments throughout the book the phrasing didn't work. Try rearranging your sentences so that they flow better. Also be sure that words make sense to what your describing. For example don't use words that are uncommonly used to describe something... I understand trying to make sentences sound different but don't go overboard. Overall I liked your story line, I thought it was very cute how he "saved" her from her struggles of being insecure. It gave a romantic aspect to the book then besides what was already there between dialogue, actions, etc.
