Dolly

One

N I A L L

            Two months. Two months and counting, that I’ve been in the motel room with Tony. Two months that I’ve thought about Mary every single day, from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep.

            I couldn’t leave town, because I knew Tony would hate me more. But I don’t think it’s possible for someone to hate me more than I hate myself right now. If I could punch someone, it would be myself.

            Tony spends more time at Aubrey’s, than he does here. I don’t completely blame him. I took him away from the person who was like a mother to him. She cared for him when he had bad dreams. She fed him in the morning, made him lunch, and dinner. She helped with his homework when I wasn’t able, and she embarrassed him in front of Aubrey like a mother would.

            The knocking on the ugly green door, pulled me from my thoughts. I stared at the door from my place in bed, before pulling myself out of it. I wrapped my hand around the door handle, afraid to see who it was. Mary couldn’t know where I was staying, could she?

            I groaned, seeing that it was my father. “What are you doing here?”

            “Don’t be so bitter, son.”

            “I don’t think you have the right to call me that.” I grumbled, flopping back into the bed sheets.

            “You’re looking rough. Why don’t you just go back to her?”

            I huffed out a forced laugh, shaking my head the best I could with it still in the pillow, “That’s a little late isn’t it? She probably found someone better anyway. I can’t go back. I left her… at the wedding, in case you forgot.”

            “She’s waiting for you.” He said, “Believe me.”

            “Why should I do that?”

            “Because I’ve changed. You know after you and Tony left, I realized just how shitty I was. When I found out the guy who killed your mother, was locked up after nine years, I really felt some relief. I felt different, I didn’t need those drinks anymore. I was so caught up in the thought that he was still out there, probably killing so many other women, that it was killing me.”

            “You know… That guy is Mary’s father.” I laughed awkwardly, shaking my head as I sat up in place. “She uh, almost died because of me.” I mumbled quietly, “I was so pissed the day I found out who her father was, I took it out on her.”       I ran my hand through my unwashed, messed up blonde hair that was now starting to show brown roots.

            “She went back that day. I left the motel to cool down, to pull my shit together and I came back she was fucking gone.” I sighed, “The next morning, I was going the opposite direction when I heard on the radio that a man nearly killed his daughter the night before.”

            “She almost ended up like your mother.” His voice was full of hesitance, I almost didn’t want to look at him. I didn’t want him to see the tears that were welling up in my eyes just from talking about it.        

            “I was so fucking scared. I didn’t know if she was okay the whole way there, and I didn’t know if she would even want me there. I yelled at her so bad.” I shook my head, burying my face in the palms of my hands. “Dad, I’m so sorry.”

            “Don’t say sorry to me. Apologize to Mary. I’m the one who should be saying sorry to you.” He awkwardly sat at the foot of the bed, staring at me. “You have a grudge against me, I know that. But please don’t take it out on Mary.”