Dolly

Thirteen

N I A L L

Furious, I was absolutely furious. It was like the weather was in tune to my mood, because not even ten minutes into me being outside, being full blown angry, had the sky turned an alarming shade of dark, and thunder roared in the dark sky. I had been in the bar for a few hours now, staring at the bottles of liquor. I wanted so much for the caramel liquid to burn its way down my throat. It took the edge off of the situation. It made my stress go away, and I couldn’t feel a thing. But I knew it would hurt Mary. I had been doing so well, and drinking now—when we are starting a family, would just a huge mistake.

I came out to find Dale tonight, but I found myself thinking about a family with Mary. If I was taken away from her, she would be left to be pregnant alone with Tony. Surely, he wouldn’t know what to do when little Arabella made her arrival.

Dale probably wasn’t even in town anymore—and honestly I hoped that he wasn’t for his own safety. He was a smart guy, and I’m sure he knows that I would find out eventually that it was his ass that showed concern for Mary’s safety. He knows damn well there is no reason that her safety would be in danger around me. I can handle my anger when it comes to Mary, even if I’m about to do something I’d regret, I somehow manage to change at the split second of nearly hurting her.

I blamed myself though, that all this was happening to her. Her life would be so much easier if I wasn’t around her anymore. Maybe it would be best if I did spend time in a cell. The police would surely stop nagging me about me bein’ a danger to Mary and anyone around me.

            No, Niall. That is not the best thing for Mary, or for you. I believed, shaking my head at my own thoughts. I groaned, pushing myself off the rough brick wall of the bar’s alleyway. You need to go back home. Now that I was completely drenched from the heavy raindrops, I decided it was best that I headed home.

            Mary was probably wrecking her brain worry about where I had ran off to, and surely Officer Daniels hasn’t even realized that I ran off out the back door. I was four blocks from home, and I hoped that I didn’t see something more promising that would make me turn a different way. It’s your fault. I thought, That Mary has to deal with all this. I sighed, tears welling up in my eyes. It was all my fault, but I’ve been trying to be better for her, trying to control my anger and my too violent behavior.

            I slid open the back door, hearing utensils drop onto the kitchen counter followed my Mary’s feet on the linoleum floor. “Niall.” She breathed, wrapping her arms around my middle. Her ear resting firmly over my heart despite the fact that I was soaking wet. I put one arm around her, the other staying at my side. She pulled away, pulling her eye brows together, “Why do you smell like a bar?” she asked, concern and disappointment washing over her eyes.

            “I wasn’t drinking.” I said, blowing air at her face, “See. Fucking clean.” I grunted, brushing past her and into the kitchen to see what she was preparing.

            “Why did you leave?” she asked, leaning against the counter. I simply shrugged, not wanting to fight with her for no reason. I knew that if I talked to her right now, I’d say something stupid, or we would end up in a fight some other way. “I needed to be alone for a bit.”

            “So you went to a bar, to be alone?” she pried. I shot her a glare, hinting that she was pushing my patience.

            “I sat there, fighting with myself. Alright? I went to look for Dale, and he was nowhere that I went. So I sat at the bar for a few hours, staring at the drinks that I could be swallowing right now. But I had nothing, I had nothing because I could hear your voice in the back of my mind, and I could see your scared face from the last night I fucking drank around you, is that what you want to hear?” I snapped, rubbing my hands over my face and looked back at her. “Sorry.”