What is your mind?

The story of a suicidal person

I don't wanna be alive.  I just wanna die. I can never sleep whenever I'm alone. My fists can't fight for two. I use pills to sleep at night. Some may tho that I'm alright, but I need lights to make it through the night. If I had to lay it all out on the line, I would say I'm not alright. But I would never say that to you. Please just say something I'm going up. I need you to be the one. So where are you? I'm lost and afraid. Everything is falling apart. Being alone is to much to face. I'm not as strong as they all think. I can barely carry on. It's all to much . Can't help wondering what you're thinking. The more I try to get to  you the more I break apart. All theses roads I'm going on are all the wrong directions. This was supposed to be fun. This was supposed to be good. Maybe I've played it all wrong. Maybe I've been here to long. In z room full of people I still feel totally alone. Tell me this is okay. Tell me you love me even if it's not true. Cause I don't fucking care. Cause I don't wanna be alive. I just wanna die. I act like I don't fucking the truth is I'm so fucking scared. The ruins of my life is dark and cold. I've been here... many times. I need a friend, to hold me. To unfold me. To unlock all my secrets. I have lost myself, I feel so unsafe. Just hold me and help me. I don't wanna be alive. I just wanna die. I've been holding on to long. Maybe I should go. Maybe  I should run. I just wanna go away. I have nothing else to say. I've played it all wrong. I asked for a friend to help me, but they never came. I tried to call out. But was never herd. I didn't want to be alive, so I gave up. I wanted to die, but now I wish I was alive... I wish I was alive...I wish I didn't give up. I wish I wasn't dead. I don't wanna die anymore. I wanna be alive...But I'm worthless I deserve this. I always take off running and no one ever comes after me. Am I that bad? I don't deserve love, I don't deserve life. I don't deserve anything. My life didn't matter anyway. I was going crazy. I deserved all the pain and sadness that came to me.