Run with Me: [Deleted 2014 Version]

Chapter 30 - Change

[Author's Note - I'm planning on making this piece of fanfiction a little darker now. Things won't be going the way they should be. People are going to be sad, and things are going to change. I'm preparing you.]

Chapter 30

Kat

Carl was avoiding my stare. After finding the blue package in his hand, I couldn't tell if he was embarrassed or angry.

He could be both, I thought. He's a ticking time bomb. Soon, the fire is going to die, be buried deep in his heart. And the impact will have more of a magnitude than you ever imagined.

I looked up in the car, watching as the sun began to carry itself towards the horizon that meant another day was gone. And we would never know if we would have another. Maybe that day, I'd have my flesh ripped from me. Maybe that day, my hands would be taken from me. Maybe that day, I'd trip and fall and slice my delicate skin against a sharp edge, where I would lay in the hot sun until I was so parched that the water in my body would shrivel up against my forehead and run in waterfalls down my face. And then, slowly, I'd close my eyes and try to whisper to Carl somewhere that I love him.

I didn't notice that water was building up against my eyes, and I felt gentle goosebumps as someone's hand placed itself on my shoulder. I turned my head, meeting Carl's eyes.

Could he see that I was trying to balance myself in sanity? Could he see that everything was slipping between my fingers until it fell and broke and brought me with it? Could he see that the mirror in front of my face was broken because of how many times I stared, and all I saw was pain?

In that moment, I could see why Carl chose not to feel, not to show his emotion. Because it hurt to see people stare at you and watch as you cried. Things never went your way, not in those times. Nothing was the same, and it never would be. Too much had happened, too many people had died, too many souls had sinned.

And then, I realized that not even the sky could change that. It couldn't mend the rips against my heart, and it couldn't kiss the edges against my face. Only Carl could.

That's why he only believes in you, I realized. You are the only one that can heal the bleeding wounds against him with your lips. And he believes it because the sky cannot. You can pray, and pray, and pray, and nothing will change.

I leaned over and wrapped my arms around his neck, placing my mouth against his warm shoulder.

"Can you see it?" I whispered in his ear. He slid his arm around my waist, and his touch was almost sad.

"See what?" He asked.

"The pain."

"Yes," he said simply. I squeezed my eyelids shut and tightened my grip around his neck. "You don't have to be afraid of it."

"Of my pain?" I questioned. Carl shook his head.

"No. You don't have to be afraid of the pain. It will always be there. It's best to find ways to cope than to hide from it. It'll only make it worse."

I let out a shaky breath.

Listen to him, something said to me. Listen to him. He knows more now because he screwed up himself, and now he knows he's dead inside. But you can change that, for yourself and for him. It is merely not enough to just love. You have to love it all. To love it all means to hold his face between your palms and not only make him believe in the sky, but to make him believe that everything is okay. You have to help him. You have to. You will never forgive yourself if you ignore what goes on between his teeth. It has to change.