Coming Out as Trans

Coming Out As FtM

Dear Mom and Dad,

There's been something on my mind lately that I regretfully have not told you yet. But before you continue, please read this when you have time to digest all the information I'm about to tell you, because it is quite a lot.

I've never been good with words or confrontation so I decided to go with another letter. I finally am writing this after suffering in quiet for so long and its almost relieving to. I can't stay up at night any longer crying about my current situation. It takes a toll on me, not only at school, but socially, physically, and mentally too. I value our relationship so much and I am just asking for your unforgiving love and support.

I am transgender. Please keep reading for more information, because I'm sure you don't know everything there is to know. For one, this is a mental disorder. Its called gender identity disorder. No one knows how it's caused for sure but the most plausible explanation would be the brain developing different chromosomes than the body does in a womb. In my case, my body developed as a female with XX chromosomes; my brain developed with the XY chromosomes of a male. What this means for me is I constantly feel like my body is wrong and is missing parts and doesn't have the right parts. I feel like I'm drowning in my body and the only way to save me is to transition into a male. Gender dysphoria is also something I feel, which is when a person feels uncomfortable or worse with the gender they were assigned at birth. Gender dysphoria causes depression, anxiety, eating disorders and many other mental illnesses. It also leads to self harm and suicidal tendencies in most cases.

Transitioning from female to male is a process I've thought about for so long, that it seems attainable to me. At my age now, the only thing I could do is cut my hair, wear masculine clothing, and go by a male name along with male pronouns. For the future, I plan on taking testosterone and getting top surgery, which I will explain.

Testosterone is obviously the male hormone created in the testes, which, I don't have, so the only way to be able to appear male is to take pills, injections, gels, or patches. The cheapest and most effective is the injections, which are shots of testosterone normally taken once a week by a person who wants to transition from female to male. This can be attained by talking to a specialized doctor and being diagnosed with gender identity disorder and gender dysphoria. Here are some changes that will happen if I take testosterone when I am of age; my voice will deepen in pitch to that of a male's, my hair will become less thick, I will grow facial hair, my body fat will distribute to different areas, and my all around appearance will look as if I was born male. I will basically go through a second puberty, voice cracks, acne, and everything that comes along with it.

Top surgery is a broad term used to describe the surgery in which a female to male person can get his breast tissue removed. To get the surgery now in Massachusetts, you must be diagnosed with gender identity disorder and gender dysphoria. This surgery has different procedures and doctors, but what happens is the doctors remove the breast tissue so that the man's chest will be flat. In the more common surgeries I've seen, there is two single cuts made directly below the chest. It also requires the nipples to be removed and placed on again so that the chest will appear male and the nipples will also match up with the new male pictorials formed (This is called a nipple graft).

Before I continue, here are some words that will be useful;

· GID – gender identity disorder

· Binding – the flattening of the female chest with a binder

· Binders – tank top-like devices that are used to evenly flatten out the chest without harming the breasts

· FtM – female to male

· Trans – shortened term for transgender

· Transmale/ transman/ transboy– a person who was assigned female at birth but now identifies as a transgender man

· AFAB – acronym for assigned female at birth

As a transmale now, I want to able to wear a binder and masculine clothes. I also want to cut my hair to the appropriate length of a boys. I would like to go by the name Mickey instead of (INSERT BIRTH NAME) from now on and only use he/him pronouns. I understand something like a new name and new pronouns will take a long time to get used to so I understand if you accidentally slip up. That's okay. Right now, I have two binders, one at the house and one I shipped to a friend and I haven't been able to pick up yet.

It's become significantly harder each and every day that I have to get up and go by the incorrect pronouns and name in clothes I don't feel comfortable in. I can't even take a shower without crying because I hate what I see in the mirror. And I know that I have mood swings when I'm out and that's mainly because I have to wear clothes I feel horrible in and I have to deal with the people in public treating me like I'm girly.

As for school, I want to continue the rest of the year at (CURRENT SCHOOL), but I would like to go to (TOWN SCHOOL) for freshman year. There's more than just my gender as to why I want to leave. I'm not treated very well there, I'm always left out and ignored by my "friends". I hate going through everyday alone while everyone has their own friends and friend groups. I know I've talked about (TWO OF MY FAKE FRIENDS WHO ARE RUDE AF TO ME) before, and they're nice most of the time but (THE BITCHY ONE) makes fun of me more often than not. I constantly hear people talking about me behind my back and it makes me feel worse. I know that there will be a lot of new people next year but I know nothing will change with the people who are staying.

I still want to continue to try to get into a prepschool, I have no issue with that, but definitely not an all girls school. I'm fine with being on an all girls hockey team but I still want to dress like a boy.

I'm also fine with staying in the closest and not telling people who wouldn't accept me whatsoever. I won't tell Grammy and Grampy, or anyone else on either side of the family who wouldn't remotely accept me. And after reading this and neither of you accept me, I have a place to stay for as long as I need to.

I love you both so much and I am not telling you this to hurt you or ruin our relationship, I simply am hurting because I can't live as myself. I was honestly not going to come out because of President Trump, I was afraid people would back up not-accepting me by his bigotry logic.

And as for sexuality, some things have changed. I still like girls, no doubt about that, but realizing I am transgender also made me realize that just because I wanted to transition and be masculine did not make me only attracted to girls. Therefore, I am taking on the title of bisexual, or being attracted to both girls and boys. I find both attractive, but in my age group, there are no boys that I really like which also led me to believe I was a lesbian.

Ask me any questions because I definitely expect you to have a lot. I know this is a bombshell and I understand that, this will take time to get used to.

With lots of love your son, Mickey

Well then. The total word count of that is about 1,300 words and I know I haven't posted on here in forever. I've been so focused on everything. I also sprained my ankle and I'm really mad about it because I can't be on the ice for another while. 

If any of y'all need someone to talk to, I'm always here. 

Insta: mickey_is_merry      /       spndoods

Snap: mickeys.private        /       mickeytendygirl

Stay alive friends.