what it says on the tin.
explicit trigger warnings before reading, I don't recommend reading if you're currently dealing with anxiety, loss, suicidal or self-harming thoughts.
TW: a little self hate but not as much as I usually put because you all deserve some fluff.
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Maybe if I shut my eyes tighter the world will go black again and pull me to sleep once more, which I heatedly willed to but the light from the curtains shined right through, making me literally get up from my warm blankets and shut the curtains with a few grumbles under my breath. I flopped back on the bed afterwards, completely exhausted but unable to sleep again. I layed there for at least 15 minutes before finally moving again, after getting the disappointing news that sleep was no longer an option. I went into the bathroom and did my business, afterwards washing my hands, avoiding the large, bright mirror in front of me. I couldn't help but peek though, and immediately cringe.
To my surprise, it was the same old depressing face with permanent dark circles, hollowed cheeks and boring, beady eyes. I thought I'd see something different, like a twinkle in those dull eyes or some kind of lift in a way since today was my very own day of birth or the day the world decided that it needed another useless human being. It was no surprise to me that I felt the same though, shitty and exhausted even if, this was supposedly a happy day. I honestly don't think that the other sides are aware of this 'big' day.
It really wasn't as important to me than most days, just another day closer to fucking death. I guess that does get a little joy outta me, to be completely honest. My stay on this horrid earth has been way overdue. Maybe if I sleep it away, it'll go by faster. Yeah, I just need the Melatonin then . . . but it's in the fucking kitchen.
The world's against me, I swear.
I make my way out of my room and into the hall, wrapping my blanket around my head and covering the rest of my body. Not even embarrassed, I trudged down the steps with incoherent mumbles and groans. I didn't acknowledge anyone in the kitchen as I went to the cabinet and stood on my tiptoes to reach the bottle of the pills I so desperately needed. But then, as I was reaching, I realized. . . no one was in the kitchen, like not even the little ones Patton takes care of. He wasn't even in here making breakfast. . . where was Logan? He should be in the corner of the room, with a book shoved in his face and Prince! I haven't heard the doofus singing throughout the halls!
As a matter of fact . . . the whole mind palace was completely dead silent, making my movements slow to a stop. I looked at the clock hanging above the fridge, it was only 11:30. Where the hell is everybody? I went into the control room and looked through to see if Thomas were with them but. . . he looked like he was busy . . . writing something?
I'm a little surprised Patton didn't burst into my room, screaming about how his 'dark strange son's birthday was today' but nothing like that happened which, I'm not even gonna lie, kinda stung. He, of all people, remembers every little monthly occasion and would be planning for it months ahead of time. I honestly hate this, I can't stand the feeling I get whenever something I expect goes to shit, it always is like that. Whenever I expect something, it never happens.
