I've fallen.....

Chapter 1

Chapter 1.

It was a snowy Friday night, Eric Cartman sat against his bed, lazily shoving chips into his mouth. His eyes stared half lidded at the screen, his favourite show, Terrence and Phillip playing on the screen. He sighed having seen this episode many times before he clicked off the tv. "Man my life sucks...." He muttered to himself, between his asshole friends and his whorish mother he didn't really have anyone! Not even a girlfriend or....... Boyfriend. He shook his head still in denial, I am not gay! He yelled to himself but even the voice in his head could tell it was a lie. He slumped over landing on his side and stared blankly at the door, wishing an angel of some sort would walk in and show him some kind of love, not the fake love his mother showed him and not love that is tainted with pity for the brunette, no he wanted a pure kind of love. Everyone seemed to believe he was heartless and never dreamed of fallen in love, sharing cutesy moments and having someone who meant everything to him. Someone who loved him for him, good or bad, having one person that stayed by his side no matter what! even though he was racist, fat, sadistic and just plain mean sometimes! That person would look past that and notice that along with the negative there was his positive traits, he was surprisingly very loving if he liked the person enough, and he may act as if he doesn't care but he does! He cares a lot and that to him felt like weakness, it felt like once someone found out his true feelings, his true self they'd turn and use it to their advantage, but wasn't that exactly what he did? Well better them then me, right? He closed his eyes, squeezing them shut as if to force all the depressing thoughts and images that passed through his mind, to build his walls that covered all emotions that may be visible to the outside world. It didn't work, he felt a small lump form in his throat as if he'd just dry swallowed a huge pill, his stomach felt uneasy and his head throbbed. He knew this feeling all too well, it's what he felt before he pulled out the blade he hid in his drawer, the one thing that made him feel a tad bit more human, he felt the pain and it convinced him that he wasn't a monster, he wasn't some heartless asshole! Yes he's made mistakes, so many mistakes and he did regret them. Even if it didn't seem like it. He did feel bad about the horrible things he did like how he treats Kyle, or how he indirectly killed...... his own father...... He felt hot tears streak down his face. He felt so much regret but he'd never bring himself to apologize, he was to proud to do that! He opened the drawer beside him, his hands shook as he reached inside, his eyes filled with desperate want, the need to feel the silver metal break though his skin. He licked his lips looking at the small blade but He closed his eyes and shook his head, no! Not this time! He threw it back inside and slammed the drawer shut. He had stopped crying but his face felt sore and sticky with the dry, salty tears. He ignored it and look down at his half empty bowl of chips, one chip in general had caught his eye. He picked it up and looked at the disfigured chip, it was folded as if it was hiding something inside, he remembered when he was nine before his mother fell into her downwards spiral into deep depression. She had referred to it as a wish chip, he remembered digging through bag after bag eating every wish chip he could find. Wishing for riches and authority, selfish childish wishes, he'd never would have believed he would end up like this, depressed and pathetically unhappy. Sure he hated the world, a lot when he was young but he believed then he'd rule it one day. He guessed He was more mature now. He studied the chip, he didn't know if it was out of desperation or stupidity but he closed his eyes and spoke in barely a whisper "I wish to be happy, please bring me someone to be happy with" he bit in to the chip hoping this silly ritual would work, he almost jumped ten feet in the air when his door burst open. A happy blond, wearing a wool sweater that looked a bit big, green skinny jeans and two sparkly hello kitty clips in his blonde hair smiled down at Cartman happily.

"Hello Eric!" He said cheerfully but his expression turned concerned, he leaned down next to Cartman, who was still frozen. "H-have you been crying!?" The blonde asked, snapping Eric out of his trance.