Between the Perennial Blooms || Paul Lahote

Thirty | Amaryllis

"This is about my body
& my hands
& my hands touching my body.
& maybe that's all a monster is:
a body that's survived."
—Jasmine C. Bell | To Be a Monster

• • •

She had gone and done it again.

At this point, Bailey wasn't sure Paul would ever trust her if he somehow found out the truth. How could someone possibly tell so many lies? She wondered as she sat in the passenger seat of Bella's rusted red pickup just two days after her magical evening with Paul out on the beach front. How could someone ever handle all of the guilt?  In all honesty, she didn't know. Because if there was one thing that could be said about Bailey Swan, it was that lately, guilt had been swallowing her whole.

"I'm glad you decided to come," Bella spoke quietly over the sound of the radio as she turned the truck in the direction of the Cullen household later that Saturday afternoon. "I feel like we haven't seen very much of each other lately and I miss spending time together."

The corners of Bailey's lips pulled up into a sweet smile and she turned her head from gazing out the window to instead look upon her older sister fondly. "I know," she mumbled, reaching over to fiddle with Bella's necklace that had the clasp resting between her collarbones rather than the pendant. "Feels like we're always preoccupied with something else."

"You and Paul..." Bella brought up cautiously, as if afraid asking any questions might overstep some sort of boundary that had never been there before. After all, so many things had changed since Bailey had come to live in Forks and though the two sisters loved each other with all their hearts, it was obvious that something had gone awry in their relationship as of late. Perhaps it was the impromptu cliff-diving they had gone on that afternoon all those weeks ago – of which the two Swan siblings still had yet to talk about. Or perhaps it was Bella's sudden trip to Italy – the one in which Bailey had pleaded for her to stay only to have her words thrown back in her face. Perhaps it was even that fateful day out at the Ateara house – when Bailey had been holed up in the hospital for days afterward and Bella had been too busy saving the boy she loved to realize her little sister needed saving too. Or perhaps it was just the accumulation of apologies Bella had yet to work up the courage to utter. Because as of late, guilt didn't plague only one of the Swan sisters. Every time Bella looked into Bailey's glossy blue eyes, she felt a crushing sense of responsibility of the same caliber. She knew she needed to say sorry.

But after all the things she had done, where did she even begin?

"...yes?" Bailey prompted upon Bella's evident hesitation.

"How are you?" She blurted, tightening her knuckles around the steering wheel after her voice cracked pathetically. "I mean... your relationship. Everything's going good, yeah?"

Blushing a brilliant shade of bubblegum pink, Bailey slapped her hands over her cheeks in an attempt to shield her face from view. "E-everything's going wonderful," Bailey stuttered, squirming under her sister's amused gaze as she took to fidgeting with her hands now in her lap instead. "Wonderfully... wonderful," she rambled lamely, blushing even more when Bella laughed.

"Wonderfully-wonderful, huh?" Bella teased, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. "That's just... wonderful then."

"Stoppppp," Bailey whined, burying her face in her hands as Bella laughed good-naturedly at her bashful younger sibling. She stared fondly at her head of wily golden curls for a moment before sobering to a more serious state with her next question.

"Imprint life," she started, watching as Bailey peeked her head out from underneath her curtain of curls to stare over at Bella curiously. "Is it everything you hoped it would be?"