Between the Perennial Blooms || Paul Lahote

Forty Two | Euphorbia

"Say the girl ran from the ruin.
Say the girl was the ruin."
—Kristene Kaye Brown | 'The Small Town's Unwanted Daughter'

• • •

"Can you even see the stage from all the way down there?"

Bailey's lips twisted into a pout and she flashed Jacob a scowl that held no heat. "Shut up."

Grinning widely, Jacob nudged her with his elbow. "Oh, come on. You know I was only teasing you, Bay."

"I know." Bailey grumbled. "And I'm only grumpy 'cause you're right — I can't."

Bella's graduation ceremony had turned out to be a rather crowded affair — much more so than Bailey was expecting. She and Charlie had driven separately from the graduate of the day, opting to take Charlie's cruiser rather than bum a ride from Billy and Jacob seeing as the Black men were so notorious for being late, and after arriving in the school parking lot around nine, the pair had only managed brief hugs of pre-congratulations before Bella was being ushered off into the gym with her classmates where faculty proceeded to line them up in alphabetical order.

Despite how adamantly Bella complained otherwise, Bailey thought she looked beautiful in her golden gown. And after having woken up early that morning to assist the older girl in curling her hair, Bailey couldn't seem to keep her beaming eyes off of her. Pride filled her chest — perhaps a bit misplaced considering she was, in fact, not Bella's parent — yet in a way only a sister could be, Bailey found herself filled with immeasurable joy and, secretly, even the tiniest bit of envy. Would I have had that? She wondered, staring out at the sea of golden gowns and navy sashes as the soon-to-be-Seniors-turned-Alumni laughed and chatted with their peers in all of their bright-eyed excitement. Would I have been wearing that same gown a year from now had my childhood faired differently? She knew the answer: Yes, of course she would've. Had she grown up with her sister, had she lived with Renée, had she attended public school like the vast majority of kids in her day and age, she would've been in Bella's exact same shoes a year later. Nevertheless, she wasn't; and though a childhood like her older sister's could've only come at the cost of her irreplaceable relationship with her beloved Gran, a part of her, if only for the slightest of selfish moments, felt she would've paid it. Maybe then you would've been normal, that small part of her voiced like a dark whisper in the back of her mind. Maybe then you wouldn't be so ridiculous. But an absentminded squeeze from Paul's hand around hers stole her from her reverie and Bailey soon found herself able to abolish the voice quickly.

Never mind that, she scolded herself, outwardly shaking her head of the thought and warranting a questioning look from Jacob beside her. What's done is done and there's no changing the past now. And looking up at Jacob on her left and Paul and her father on the right, she found she wouldn't change a thing even if the opportunity presented itself.

"When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up..." Bella's good friend and class valedictorian Jessica Stanley spoke up from in front of the podium. The audience went silent as they listened to her and her voice rang out across the crowd. "Our answers were things like astronaut, president..." She paused for a second and flashed a haughty smile. "Or in my case, princess."

Chuckles erupted from the crowd and Bailey, struggling to see around the tall head of the patron sat in the row of seats directly in front of her, huffed while she strained her neck.

"When we were ten, they asked again and we answered — rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist. But now that we've grown up, they want a serious answer. " Jessica paused and smiled indulgently. "Well, how 'bout this: who the hell knows?!"