emails // michael clifford

one

Sent: 5/22/2014

To: amylockhart@yahoo.com

From: mikeygclifford@yahoo.com

Dear Amy,

         I don't know where to start. The guilt inside me is just too overwhelming. Everyday and every night, I think about you. You and your beautiful smile, your bright, blue eyes, and all of your little things.

         I miss you, Amy. I miss the way you look at me. I miss the smile, the special smile that you give me, that smile that's only reserved for me. I miss your brown hair, and the way you complained how it was impossible to straighten. I miss your freckles, the freckles around the bridges of your nose. They were so cute. I miss you, Amy.

         Why did you have to leave? Why did you have to die? I know it's my fault, I just know it. I remember the suicide note, everything. It was my fault; My fault for leaving you. My fault, because I knew that you were insecure about yourself; You had so many insecurities, and I knew that me breaking up with you was going to make you insecure even more. It's my fault, Amy. Don't even try to deny it.

         I'm so sorry. I know I'm too late, but I won't ever stop being guilty. I won't ever stop saying sorry. Saying sorry isn't enough for what I've done, but it's the least I can do. I'm sorry, I truly am, Amy.

         I still love you. Even though you hurt me by doing this, I still love you. I love you, your personality, the way your hair can't be tamed, everything. I still love all of those; But the fact that I can't hold you in my arms is painful. The fact that I wont ever smell your strawberry scented shampoo makes me sad. The fact that I won't be able to see the beauty of you and your face anymore is painful. Now all I have from you are memories. Memories that will never be forgotten by me.

         Remember the time when we were sitting at the dock, admiring the beauty of the sea? That was the first time you told me that you loved me; I said I love you back. That was the happiest I've ever been; I felt like a giggling child who was given a lollipop, a treat, a prize - You.

         And now that you're gone, I still imagine your body sleeping right next to me, and when I do, it feels so real; But then I realize that it's all an illusion. 

         Amy, that's all I have to say for now. I can hear the boys making their way to my room. I don't want them to read my emails.

         Once again, I miss you, Amy. 

                                                                                                               Love,

                                                                   The boy who's still smitten about you.

- note - I don't know mikey's real email, okay? :)