Glitter Is Not Gold

Four // released

After countless hours of sleep in another uncomfortable hospital bed, I finally woke up. I was alone this time. Sadly, it was for about 5 seconds. My heart dropped as thousands of thoughts took over my head. Why did he stab me with a needle? Who was he? When can I leave? Where's my mom? What time is it? Questions overwhelmed me with curiosity, but no one was there to answer them.

As more thoughts came to my mind, the doctor came in and said, "they have scheduled your discharge for tommorow. So congratulations to you, now you don't have to try to sneak out. May I remind you, this is a hospital where we try to take care of you. It's not a Tuesday night at the Kennan's house where you try to sneak out to a frat party. I suppose that's what you were doing, right?"

I gave him a sour look. "No, for your information I just hate this place so much, I was going to go home. I don't go to frat parties, but thanks for the idea." I grinned.

Ugh, to him a day is one hour, to me it is one year. I can't wait to leave. Just one more day, you got this.

They ran a few blood tests and a MRI, and said I was all clear. "Nothing is wrong with you," they kept saying. I guess they don't realize depression is a disease too. Once it's deep, it consumes your body even more within seconds. It's nearly impossible to cure, but not completely impossible.

"You have so much to live for." My mother would say. Sure, whatever you say, but maybe your vision is different from mine. Maybe in your visions, you see me with 3 kids, a husband, and me sitting behind an office desk in a picture, with a huge smile across my face. Now sure, it pays the bills, but what I see, is a young woman who had the chance to go out and live, rather than sit behind an office desk, being forced to smile for the camera, who chose the desk instead, because all she cares about is money.

I'm not like you mom, I'm sorry. You want me to live a successful life, all I want is a happy one. I'm never gonna get one until high school is over, but even then I'd have college, then I'd have my job to do, so I could earn money, because without money, you have no house, without a house you are homeless, then who wants a homeless worker? That's right, nobody. There is no good ending, why not end it now and get it over with?

I tried to push all the thoughts away as my mom walked in. "Sweetie get some sleep, then you can wake up tomorrow and finally be able to leave." She smiled.

I muttered, "okay." I pulled the covers over me and tossed and turned till I was finally comfortable. Stupid hospital beds. You suck. I closed my eyes shut and dreamed of a place that only I knew, becuase I was the creator.

My mom woke me up and said, "time to go sweetie." I opened my eyes and yawned, "what time is it mom?" She glanced over to the alarm clock and said, 5:58am. Now get up so we can go." I sighed and lifted the warm, soft blankets off of the bed. In this case, hospital blankets are a piece of shit, but when you're cold, they are even perfect enough for a queen.

We got into the dusty, old, red van and drove off. I was ecstatic but also very sleepy, so I kept my mouth shut the entire ride home and tried to take a nap.

I was really hoping it was a Friday or Saturday so I could be off of school for a few days, but with my luck, it was only Tuesday. The day everyone hates even more than Monday because it means more work or school, even after convincing yourself you only had to get through Monday.

Today was just like any other day. I was alone in my room the whole night, watching the 100.

Just as everything was going perfectly fine, everything changed at precisely 8:29pm. A loud banging sound came from the door as I heard, "police! Open up!" I ran to my mom and said, "why are they here?"

I was hyperventilating while she was breathing very calmly, as if nothing was wrong. A few minutes passed by and I thought they were gone. I was wrong.

The doors bursted open as shards of wood flew everywhere. "Hands behind your back Mrs!" They grabbed her arms and put handcuffs on her. I was too surprised to even comprehend what was happening. "Mom! What's going on?" She gave me a look of sorrow and mouthed, "I love you," as they took her outside and threw her into the police car.

What the fuck just happened! My mom is being incarcerated and my dad is a drunk who hasn't been home for a few months! Then the realization came to me. I was completely and utterly alone. What do I do now?