The Beauty Of Life

~ Chapter Nine ~

Isn't it weird how you can actually feel it in your chest and stomach when something really hurts your feelings?

That's exactly how I felt when E started hurting me. She was my best friend, she was the person that I enjoyed talking to, I considered her more than a sister to me. She helped me express my feelings correctly and she certainly was a huge part of how I moved on from my former crush.

She always had my back, she always helps me take the right decisions. She reminded me of the mom who helps her child continuously.

Everything was full of rainbows and happiness until everything started changing. I knew E since the seventh grade but I wasn't close to her till the eighth grade and ninth grade.

We started drifting apart in the middle of ninth grade, I never knew why. I always felt that I don't deserve such a best friend as E. When I moved on completely, we started drifting apart.

We stopped talking all the time, we stopped texting 24/7, we stopped ranting about everything, we stopped sharing secrets. I remember at that time, middle of ninth grade I felt depressed. Everything was horrible. I was losing my friends one after the other until I had no one.

Honestly, I drifted apart from many people at that time because I was very fatigued from constantly getting hurt again and again and again. The thing is, nobody ever stopped me or even asked what was going on with my life.

We didn't really talk in the summer, I knew we weren't going to be the same as before.

There's this terrible thing that happened in the summer of 2017 that destroyed many friendships but at the same exact time, it fixed many issues but I'll save it for later.

Anyways, problems were solved after the summer with E but I'll talk about it later. The key to solving many problems is, communication.

If you held in everything you felt for a person whether it's hurt or hatred or even love inside you, you'll start getting weaker and weaker by the other person's actions. So the best way to solve this feeling of hurt or betrayal or even love, you should communicate with the other person. Tell them how they've hurt you, explain to them how you feel, maybe you've misunderstood many things, never judge a situation by one side of the story cause every story has two sides or even more.

E was such an amazing person, and still is but sometimes, when miscommunication comes in the way, a lot of things are just left unspoken and each one of them thinks the other should apologize. Miscommunication could definitely end a friendship so, don't do what I failed to do. Communicate with one another.

Nowadays, E and I are on really good terms. Whenever I need advice I go to her, sometimes she's there for me and I appreciate it. I really do.

However, we've had like two fights but after these two fights, a lot got fixed but I'll still get to that later.

I love all my conversations and memories with E and I'm sure I won't ever forget them, I really do love our friendship despite it's ups and downs. You'll understand what happened in the upcoming chapters/pages.

The thing is, you have to forgive. It's not easy to forgive and move on when you feel hurt or confused by a friend but offering forgiveness with a heart full of understanding rather than fist full of resentment is one of the most amazing things you can do for someone - and for yourself.

How to forgive, you ask? Forgiveness is taking the knife out of your own back and not using it to hurt anyone else no matter how much they hurt you.

Even the good people, the ones you dream of meeting, fuck up. People aren't perfect and loving someone means handing them a gun and trusting them not to shoot you but we're all human and sometimes, we get scared and we panic, accidentally pulling the trigger. That doesn't mean that they don't love you, it just means that life doesn't come with an instruction manual and sometimes we do the wrong thing. So, do you banish them from your life and try to forget their existence when you might have made the very same mistake if the roles were reversed? If they shot you and are begging for forgiveness, willing to do anything to make it up to you, do you give them another chance and hope that the good you see in them will overcome the bad? Or do you just shut down and walk away? I guess it depends on what kind of person you want to be.

Always forgive others and yourself of course.

Recently, I've had one of those nights where I was hurt and overthinking hard until I found my best friend N comforting me and saying this,

{ She was beautiful, but not like those girls in the magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for that sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile even if she was sad. No, she wasn't beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul. }