Silver Crown (A Red Queen Fanfic)

Part of me

I wake up in the middle of the night.

From a small window, I can see that sun has not yet risen. My shoulder has gone numb. My head aches. Slowly I force myself into a sitting position. Limp strands of my hair frame my face, cutting my view. My hand brushes against Kilorn's. He sleeps peacefully, his breathing even, a ghostly pale tinge on his face. He looks years younger. I can see the scrawny green eyed preteen I first saw with the fishers. His chest rises and falls rhythmically.

His life is about to end.

This thought fills my mind. A small broken voice inside me repeats it like a curse.
My eyes saturate with tears. I clamp my hand to my mouth to stifle a choke. Suddenly the monster inside me rouses and uncontrollable tears run down my face. I start rocking back and forth, my hand still clamped to my mouth because I fear I will start making dying sounds and wake him up.

Even the little lightning girl can't save him.

Rage triumphs over my emotions, unbearably hot. It spreads like wildfire inside me. For a moment I am confused at whom this rage is directed at. Then i realize it's not at my fate, or Silvers. It's not even directed at Maven.

I am angry at my own helplessness.

I look at him and memories flood in my mind. I remember his frowned gaze when we fought. I remember that one particular time when at the end of the fight, I was sitting on top of him. He was on the floor face down and I had his hands pinned at his back. We were just seven years old. I remember his face lighting up when we stole something valuable. I remember his bemused smile when I told him I was never going to marry. I can still hear him tapping my window the night he told me his master died.

Life was simpler back then.

The tremors stop.

How am I supposed to let him go?

The answer is easy; I can't. No matter how hard I try, I just can't. I am not strong enough to break away the invisible force that binds us together. How can I? We were the ones who created this force which was just a feeble tug in the beginning. With every smile, every joke and every second we spent together, it grew stronger. He's a part of my past, my present and will be a part of my future. I can feel that. He may not be present with me physically but I can tell that the memories are going to be my constant companions in the future.

He's a part of me and I am a part of him. Nothing can change that. Despite all the heated arguments, fights and insults we threw at each other, I realize that I love him. I realize that I feel the same hollow feeling I felt when I lost Shade.

But there's a difference. Shade's death was unexpected, a spur of a moment tragedy. Kilorn's death is anticipated. I can feel the dread growing inside me as the seconds drag on. It is a monster gnawing on my insides, tearing my vessels apart, and shrivelling my organs. I fear that the dread will swallow me whole.

A chaos brews in my mind. I don't know how I fell asleep with a storm of thoughts swivelling in my mind but at some point exhaustion took over my body because when my eyes open, I could see the guards forcing Kilorn to his feet.

Dear Readers,
Finally, my bum ass decided to take some time to write a new chapter. The last few months have been busy. I've been juggling studies and social life and family. It's a miracle I finally got enough time to write. I hope you like this chapter too. Read. Vote. Comment. xxx
Sincerely,
me