All the Best People Are | ✓

•6•

If you don't know where to go, then it doesn't matter which path you take.
~Cheshire Cat
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Listen to For the Love of a Daughter and Father by Demi Lovato. I couldn't choose between them because both songs seemed to go really well with the chapter!
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"So how was your day, Skott?" Julia, my therapist, asked me.
I shrugged. "Ava, Shay and I hung out at lunch again as usual, but this time they introduced me to this other guy named Max in their Calculus class. He thinks I'm really smart. I kept telling him I wasn't worth keeping around, but he told me I was being stupid and that he thought I was fun to hang out with." I said it all so bluntly, like I didn't even understand my own words. Honestly, I didn't even care. I was so done with the social hierarchy at school and even though I probably sounded weak to admit it, I was too afraid of rejection to ignite new friendships.

I liked things being simple. Comfortable. Just like how they always were. That way, life was predictable and nothing was out of my comfort zone.

Julia put a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, now why would you think you're not worth them being around?"
Cut
Me
Out
Of
This
Misery.

I shrugged again. "I don't know. I just thought that maybe they only wanted to be friends with me because they felt bad for me."
Silence. I swore I could hear the blood pumping through my veins.

"Skott," Julia started, but I was fast to interject. "No, Julia, it's okay. I'm kind of used to it now. People are mean, I've got a disorder, life is unfair, but I can deal with it. Every day that passes with me still standing on my two feet is a victory. I'm not going to succumb to the bullying."

I wanted to laugh at the cliché in my words. But I didn't. I kept a straight face so that she could leave me alone and I could return to the bigger misery that was my life. I realized the conviction in my tone had finally hit her when she said, "I'm proud of you, Skott."

I surprised myself by feeling guilty at that. After all, it's what I wanted to hear for so long. But I guess nothing was going to make me happy until I believed those words myself. Julia once said that nobody hurt me more than I hurt myself. Somehow, those words rang true in my mind, as the voices in my head continued to scream at me for being a disappointment.

Eventually, I became even with my thoughts when I remembered what Mom had said when she first took me to these counselling sessions: if Julia was convinced I was fine, I didn't have to see her anymore. End of story.

Thing is, people are usually saying things like how they started to love their therapists with time and eventually counselling does help them. But with me and Julia?
Not a chance.

Don't get me wrong, she was undeniably sweet. She was always there to listen and helped me analyse problems when I felt like I had no one else to go to for help. Only thing is, maybe she was too much help. She was too positive for my liking; always looking on the bright side even if there was no bright side whatsoever. Being a realist, that didn't work out for me.

She was the kind of woman you loved to hate.

"So is there anything else you want to talk to me about today?"
I shrugged once more.
"Things are fine, I guess. I mean.... nothing new. I've been working on a new painting...." I supplied. She pretended to be interested in that really sweet way she always did and gave me a wide smile. "Oh really? What are you painting?" I inwardly groaned. How much longer did I have to spend in that prison?

I tried to maintain a neutral expression. "Well, it's not much, but I thought I'd paint something for Mom and Dad's anniversary. It's.... Coming up.... So yeah."
Julia grinned in that sickly sweet way that told me there was a possibility she hated her job more than I hated coming to her. "That's so sweet! I'm sure they'll love it," she gushed.