Breakeven

Chapter 30

The door to Adams room opened and Mark walked in with a very sheepish looking Danny following him.  "Bloody hell Kay, how did you cope with all those questions?" Mark asked as he sat down.

I looked puzzled, was I meant to know what he was talking about?

"I went in with Danny to speak to that Catherine, she just doesn't stop asking questions" he said, clarifying the previous statement.

"How did it go?" I asked as my eyes moved to Danny, he realised I was looking at him for an answer but his eyes never met mine.

"I've fucked up haven't I?" he said, never lifting his eyes from the floor.

"Danny, stop feeling sorry for yourself and just tell me what's happening" I snapped at him, I get that he's feeling bad, I get that he didn't mean to hurt Adam, but he did and this constant feeling sorry for himself because he has to face up to what he's done is really annoying me now.

Danny said nothing, just shook his head as tears spilled over.  I looked at Mark, hoping that he would tell me what happened.

"She asked a whole load of questions, some of which I didn't see the point of and she made a load of notes.  To be honest, she didn't really give much away.  She said that they will be looking to challenge Danny having any parental responsibility for the kids and suggested that he gives it up voluntarily."

"What does that mean?" I asked, really not understanding.

"Well I called a friend of mine who is a solicitor to see what she thought and from the way she has explained it, it's probably the best thing he could do right now.  It would basically mean that rather than you both having 50/50 parental responsibility for the kids, you would have it 100%.  It doesn't stop Danny from being there for them as their Dad but he wouldn't have any legal responsibility for them.  She did say that if Danny doesn't give it up voluntarily then the Social worker will take a case to court and he would probably lose it anyway but if it goes to court you could both lose it."  Mark explained trying to sum it up as simply as possible.

"So we do that?" I questioned, wondering what the problem was.

"I'm their Dad, I'm not going to just give up all my rights" Danny suddenly piped up.

"Danny, you don't have a choice." I said, pleading with him to see sense. "If you give it up voluntarily, I still have it and nothing really changes.  What do you want to do, take it to court?"

"I'm a good Dad, I made one mistake" Danny whined

"One mistake? One mistake?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing "One mistake would have been forgetting to tie his shoelaces and he trips up, oops, one mistake.  Your son is in a hospital bed Danny, that's not one mistake.  That's irresponsible, that's bringing drugs into our family home, that's being so set on your next fix that you didn't even realise your own son had found your stash, right now you should be grateful that I didn't go along with banning you from seeing him but do not stand there and tell me that you made one mistake like as if I should feel sorry for you."

I picked up the holdall by Adam's bedside and turned to Mark and Rina.  "Can you two stay with him, I don't want him left alone in here?" I asked.

"Of course Kay, where are you going?" Rina asked.

"I just can't be around him right now" I said, a look of disgust crossed my face as I looked at Danny.  "I won't be long"

Rina nodded, I'm sure she realised when I picked up the bag where I was going.

As I got into the corridor I took the note out of my pocket and followed the directions until I was stood outside a block of flats in the hospital grounds.  I walked up to the door and put the key into the lock, twiddling it until the door opened and I was able to go in.

The flat was tiny, but clinically clean.  It was tastefully decorated and very minimalist.  I entered into a small living room with only 1 sofa and a small TV in the corner, kitchen units ran along one wall indicating that there was no separate kitchen.  There was one door in the corner of the room which I opened it to reveal a bedroom, there was only a double bed, which wasn't made, and a small chest of drawers in the room.  I turned back to the living room looking for another door, but there wasn't one.  Then the penny dropped, this flat had an en-suite bathroom so I had to go into the bedroom.

It felt strange, like I was an intruder in the flat.  Even though Liam, Adams consultant, had told me I could use the flat, something felt strange being here.

I stepped into the shower, allowing the water to run over my body.  It helped to make me more alert but washing myself felt like a huge effort.  I was exhausted.

I put on some clean clothes from the bag that Rina had brought for me and pulled my hair back into a messy bun, not feeling like I had time to dry it.  After tidying up after myself I lifted my bag and made my way back over to the hospital.

I was on my way back to Adam's room when Catherine approached me.  "Kay, have you got a minute?" she asked.

I sighed and nodded, following her to an empty room along the corridor.  "What's this about?" I asked, somewhat defensively, as I took a seat.

"I just wanted to keep you up to date with what has been happening.   I don't know if you're aware but I spoke to Daniel this morning and we talked about him surrendering his parental responsibility.  From the information I have, this would seem to be the most appropriate action right now.  I just wondered how you felt about that?"

"I'll be honest, I don't really understand what it entails but my understanding is that I'd still have parental responsibility so it's Danny that you're going to have to convince, not me." I told her.

"OK" she replied thoughtfully as she scribbled in her notepad.  "I also needed to check with you about when your other children will be returning to London, and what arrangements you have made for their care when they arrive back."

"What do you mean?" I asked, unable to read between the lines of her questions.  "My brother is bringing them down here at the weekend and then I'll look after them when they get here."

"Kay, what I mean is, Daniel cannot be left in charge of them.  I wondered if you had really thought this through as to how you will cope with 4 children to care for.  "I've noticed how much time you have been spending at Adam's bedside and just wondered how you would plan to care for your other children when they are here." She said with a very serious tone.

"OK" I replied as I stood up to leave.  "I don't know how much depth you've looked into my life but I can assure you that I am more than capable of parenting my children alone.  I'll sort it" I walked out of that room with no idea how I would 'sort it' but I also knew that now was not the time to think about that, it was 13:50 and I needed to get back to Adam.  The next hurdle was seeing him breathe for himself again.