Breakeven

Chapter 72

The speculation about our relationship only got worse as the week went on. I knew I shouldn't read the papers or check on social media but have you ever had a scab where a wound is healing but you just have the overwhelming urge to pick it until it bleeds? Well my life right now is a bit like that scab, left to our own devices, me, Danny and our children are happy, but add in the press intrusion and ridiculous conspiracy theories on social media and it all just feels like a mess.

I hate that we are apart while all of this is going on, and unfortunately, I've discovered that I can no longer protect Adam and Jessica from seeing the trash that is being written about our family. So now, I have two of my children who are getting upset by the mindless speculation and I'm having to tell them that the best way to handle all of this is to say nothing. I know it works, I know that if we start taking to the press then words will be twisted and the spotlight will remain for so much longer but I have to be honest and say that I've never particularly felt good while the media spotlight is on us and not saying anything can be the most frustrating thing in the world.

I thought back to how we were right before Danny went out on tour. How happy we had been as a family for the short period between him coming home from rehab and heading out on tour. I even thought back to last weekend and how happy we were to be going to see Danny but then because of Keira's tantrum on the first night and her falling asleep on the second night, if you believe everything being written about me, my marriage is over.

And I know that a lot of people will say 'Just ignore the press, you know the truth', but I would challenge those people to live my life for just a day and see how easy it is to ignore what the whole world is saying about you. Staying at home and keeping the kids in school was a decision I made to try to keep a sense of normality for our children, but there's been nothing normal since we came back. Routine takes over in the morning but the school run is hindered by paps and reporters trying to get the inside scoop on a story that doesn't even exist. Adam and Jessica are coming home upset by things that they've heard at school and my evenings are spent trying to reassure them that it's all lies. The ironic thing is, we didn't have this much press attention when our marriage really was on the rocks.

Calls to Danny are becoming more frequent than they have ever been, he's worried about me, I'm worried about him and we're both deeply concerned about the impact on our children. I decided that enough was enough and I took the kids out of school deciding to head over to Ireland to meet up with Danny and finish the tour with him.

We landed at Dublin airport and made our way through the arrivals, I quickly spotted Ailish waiting for us with Andi and Victoria. Adam, Jessica and Alleysha ran over to them while I pushed our trolley with our bags on with one had while leading Keira with the other hand. Keira isn't the fastest at walking, she gets very easily distracted, so I was incredibly happy when Andi came over and lifted Keira up "Have you missed me?" she asked, her voice oozing with excitement which earned a giggle from Keira.

"How are you?" she asked as she sat Keira on her hip and we started walking over to the others.

I nodded, I was anxious to see Danny, but I wanted to make sure the kids were settled first.

"Does he know you're here?" Andi asked, her eyebrow raised.

I shook my head "He thinks we're coming tomorrow" I told her "I didn't want to be rushing around so if I can't get away tonight then there's no major disappointment" I tried to explain.

"It'll be a nice surprise for him" she said as her hand stroked my back reassuringly. "And I don't think you'll have any problems with the kids settling with us" she added, fully understanding why I hadn't told Danny I would see him tonight.

As the car pulled up outside Ailish's house I felt safe, no gauntlet to run to make it to the front door, just safe. We quickly unloaded the bags and headed inside.

"Get yourselves settled in Kay, I'm going to put the kettle on" Ailish said with a wink as she headed off to the kitchen. I took our bags upstairs and unpacked them in the spare rooms. I walked over to the chest of drawers in our room and lifted Danny's aftershave from the top, lifting it to my nose and letting the scent take over. I loved staying with Ailish, Danny's room has never changed, there may be fresh paint on the walls but if you look under the windowsill you can still see the word DANNY carved into the plaster, something he did when he was about 14.

I wandered back downstairs, the kids were paying happily in the living room while Ailish, Andi and Victoria were sat round the kitchen table with their cups of tea. I lifted the spare cup that was on the table and took a sip.

"They're settled Kay" Victoria said as her eyes glanced to the living room.

"Yeah" I nodded, "I'll just have this cuppa and then I'm going to get ready and go." I said, smiling as I realised that, for once, things were falling into place. "Don't forget to have the kids ready for a skype call with Danny at 8"

"No problem Kay" Ailish said with a chuckle, "I have done this before you know?"

"I know" I said as I drank the last of my tea. "And thanks" I added as I left the kitchen to get ready to go.