ʙᴏʏs ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ( ✓ )

018

018 // her

After their session both boys got to know a bit more about their inner feelings and thoughts, how both of then worked and what triggered their thoughts. Their session was in the afternoon but London's separate one was in the mornings. Why? because his parents still wanted him to get one on one help. They were totally fine with Ms. Clarke's idea on having both boys share a session.

London sighed as he waited outside on a bench for his mother to pick him up. He sat staring at his nails, the nail polish was slowly chipping away, he knew he had to paint them again. He took a deep breath and exhaled as he pushed the hoodie of his jack over his brown curls, cover his ears protecting them from the cold weather.

The weather had recently gotten colder, winter was on it's way and London loved it. He loved watching the snowflakes fall onto the windows, he loved decorating the Christmas tree, he loved locking himself in his room and just sipping on hot coco while watch some christmas movies on his laptop.

He enjoyed winter quite a lot. He was taken out of his thoughts when he heard the honk of his mother's car, he got up and grabbed his backpack before walking over to the car and getting in. The woman smiled lovingly at her child. "How was school today?" She asked as her focus went back to the road as she started driving out of the school parking lot.

London buckled his seatbelt before answering. "It was okay." He said in the same dull tone as always. "What did you do at school?" She asked.

"Learn." He said bluntly, very uninterested in the conversation. He honestly didn't enjoy talking to his family anymore, he used to have a really close relationship but ever since the loss of his sister, he distanced himself from his family. Only talking to them when he had to or when he was forced to go to events.

It was mostly because he felt as if he couldn't share his feelings with them, he wanted to be able to talk to them about anything but he knew he couldn't. He also couldn't do a lot of things, he couldn't wear makeup he couldn't wear dresses.

He just felt trapped, he couldn't tell his parents that he was gay because that was something that wasn't supported in his family or even at his school. So there was no where to be himself anymore, so this often had him hiding in his room and not coming out for hours. And was forced to come out when it was dinner time.

They had finally gotten home, his mother pulling into the drive way, she then stopped the car and locked the car doors. London was confused,"Why did you lock us in the car?" He asked in his normal tone, which was dull and very timid.

"You know that, what happened wasn't our fault." She said softly, no, please not this again. London's thoughts begged, "I never said it was." He replied.

"You act like it is! You treat us like shit London, You refuse to talk to us, you lock yourself in your room to get away from us and I understand that your a teen and that's what teenager's do, but you don't talk to any of us unless we say something first, you don't even talk to your other siblings. Her death wasn't our fault!"The woman cried out.

London felt tears fall down his cheeks, he kept his head down, staring at his palm. His body shook as silent sobs escaped his body. They then slowly turned audible, and then they became violent cries. "It was, it was your fault! it was Dad's fault, it was everyone's fault! It's even mine!" He screamed out. Not even caring anymore.

"You trapped her in, you all did. You suffocated her mentally, you refused to pay attention, you didn't want to. So you allowed her to suffer! She wanted your help but was to afraid to say anything. And it's my fault too because I saw right through her but I was too young! too young to fucking understand depression and Now I understand it because I'm suffering too, I'm suffering! I want it all to stop! but it won't, it won't stop!" The boy violently screamed, his face red, tears streaming down his cheeks quickly,

He quickly unlocked the car door, grabbing his things and walking to the front door, tears still streaming down his face, he grabbed his house keys and opened the door, slamming it behind him, his siblings and father all looked at him in confusion. He said nothing before running upstairs and locking himself in his room.

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a/n: If your going through anything feel free to talk to me, please.

I made this book to help show the struggling that many people go through.

so please talk to me if you need to I'm here to listen.