MY MOTHER found me for the first time since i had met you, lying face down on the floor. my body had weakened so much that my legs weren't able to support my little amount of weight that i had left in me. she didn't panic like you said she would. she didn't show the emotion or any signs like she cared. she simply shook me awake and pointed into the direction of my room.
the room is where you would talk to me the most. mostly at night, when i was in my most vulnerable mental state. in between consciousness and unconscious covered in sheets is when you would strike, and i wish that i would have been able to just close you off and drift into sleep. but that was never an option with you. you would keep me up at night to the point where sleep seemed foreign, your words would be the equivalent to my thoughts. you would tell me that the next day i wouldn't eat - i would gain too much weight if i did. so i listened to you. and maybe if i hadn't, i would still be...here.
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