HEART MONITORS eventually became soothing compared to your presence. i tried to tell the nurses whenever that they would come into the room, trying to figure out what was going on. i tried tot ell them that i felt you inside of my body, slowly grinning as you felt everyone look at me as though i was insane. i tried to explain that you were enemy, yet somehow you had become my best friend. you had never told me your name, but i had given you one instead. you liked to be called anorexia. i liked to call you nervosa. so that's what you were.
like an internal battle, you were the only conflicting thing between my mind and the functioning of my body. my body yearned to be fed, to have the nutrients that it once did. it wanted the healthy curls back on my head. the usual shine and glow to my skin and my eyes. they wanted me to have the healthy skin and fat back onto my bones. but you didn't want that. you wanted to see my bones. you said that they were beautiful. just like what you had caused. you were the cause the beautiful disaster, anorexia nervosa. you had saved me. just not in the way i thought you would.
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