Kennels of Irritation

the purge 4

salams guys, first entry of 2018 and hopefully will help me bounce back.

okay, so i think its important to have one distinct quality that separates us from others. it can be flaws and it most likely is and it is truly beautiful to see someone own that flaw and turn it into smth that is useful

ive learnt to turn my flaws into great things for eg. my anger, my pessimism, my high standards.

the thing is, some things are honestly hard to control that there comes a time where you just have to learn to divert your flaws towards positive action to avoid it from reproducing negative repercussions. 

for eg. my anger has gotten me in very impulsive actions that has landed me in very heated "discussions" with my parents but ive learnt to keep it at least a little bit under control and take it out on my intensive exercise intervals.

and it works bc i genuinely come out tired as crap bc all im comprised of is anger. so ye i feel exhausted.

but smth ive been thinking about a lot lately is my pessimism. is it really that bad that i expect better of myself? is it really that bad that i literally never congratulate anyone, not even myself when i achieve smth? well, ye it is but not as bad as a lot of people make it seem.

negativity is acc masking the overall complacency and positivity that is inside me. the thing is, im positive about a lot of things. ive never cried about anyone's death: although idk if that makes me positive or heartless but let us assume the latter for argument's sake.

i always think: "they're in a better place now" and i believe it heartily. after all, what are our tears going to do? bring them back? no. so why waste them when anything that leaves this world is definitely happier than they left it anyway.

but obviously im pretty sure it'll be a different story when someone dear to me dies so im talking trash atm.  but ygm ye

pessimism is really an art. with the assumption that everything will go wrong, we prepare mentally and then physically for what is to come which leads us to being on edge majority of the time and sounding uptight in conclusion.

but aside from that, we are either pleasantly surprised or not very surprised and, at  the very least, mentally prepared for what was to come.

and this; we are told is a flaw. it is terrible that we think so terribly most times. it is terrible to be seeing reality and call it "pessimism". it is terrible to be calling a spade a spade and not a "big spoon".

but im here to tell you to own pessimism. own every single flaw that you have and guard it, perfect it.

how?

simple. you accept it. wholeheartedly. unconditionally. and once you do that, you will be able to control it. there are many things in life i have tried to control: my anger, my negativity, my high standards, my never-ending list of things i hate. but rarely do i ever see these negative emotions being turned into something amusing or at least used effectively.

now there isnt a large list im about to give you but let me give it a try:

anger:

- use it for a good cause

-invest into something helpful (gym, punching bag, cardio etc)

-nap (literally, extra hours of sleep never hurts)

pessimism:

-you're the realest in a bad situation and often are not overwhelmed by vomit-inducing fairytales when they do not come true

-clear-headed and able to steer everyone

high standards:

-you're not easily impressed or moved by basic ideas/actions/intentions - own that ! you are one great Quality Control Officer [that's what my dad called me]

-this, in turn, makes you exclusive. bc you are not fazed or excited about everything that comes your way. you have attained a semi-high maturity tier - just dont get stuck up about it. keep it to yourself and accept that humans, including yourself, are deprived of many things and we will always fall short.

-okay, but that doesnt mean you dont appreciate the little that people do for you - remember it will encourage them to do more. 

-dont get this confused with high expectations. high expectations are bad. terrible. abort at all costs. high standards is you deciding to consider someone worthy or your time - doesnt have to be narcissistic whereas high expectations is you expecting to be prodded and pampered - aka not cool

yada yada, you guys get the idea. 

i challenge you invisible readers to make the most of your flaws and never let it stop you from achieving your goals. 

sorry for the crappy entry. its going to take a while for me to resurface but ye hopefully this entry wasn't terrible. it took me three weeks to write bc im so lazy