The Trapeze Swinger

1.9

It was terrible returning to the caravan to collect my belongings the morning after that violent night, face swollen with a puffy black eye and my fingers aching in their newly crooked formation. After safety-pinning a pair of his clean jeans to me and rolling up the cuffs a total of seven times, 2D had offered kindly to come with me, but for fear of what horribly true things he might say to Lou I had assured him it was something I had to do alone.

"Awright, well take this at least then," he'd said, handing me a small white plastic box about the size of a glasses case. A red first-aid symbol was emblazoned on its side.

"What is it?" I'd asked, lifting the lid to reveal a syringe, needle, and medicine bottle stored neatly inside.

"It's a naloxone kit, it reverses the effects of an opiate overdose. I found it in the Tusspot Fairgrounds first-aid kit when I was looking fa painkillers," 2D had explained, fiddling with his hands in discomfort as he added, "I fought Lou should have it in his caravan, just in case."

I'd thanked him, touched by his thoughtfulness, but the plastic box in my pocket now seemed condemning as I stood before of my previous home.

Avoiding the patch of scuffed up gravel out the front, I slunk up the stairs to the door with the sound of Birdie and Lou arguing growing louder with every footfall. It was unlocked as I turned the handle and slipped inside, my presence noticed by the two of them yet still not enough to quieten a furious Birdie, her normally gentle and placid self warped beyond recognition as she continued to rant at my brother.

" -and I swear to god Lou if you lie to my face one more time about going to get help I will walk out that door and never, never come back," she finished finally, her pale hands angrily brushing away tears of frustration and anguish.

"So much for loving me then," Lou snapped back, glaring at first her and then me as if he hated us both. The expression alongside the words made him uncannily resemble our mother, and I shuddered at the thought.

"I love you more than anything! That's why I'm trying to help you, that's why the both of us -" Birdie cut herself off abruptly as she went to gesture to me, her large brown eyes widening in horror as she caught sight of my bruised face. In a gasp she rushed to my side, hands grasping me close as she asked in a hushed voice, "Slo-baby, who did this to you?"

Over her shoulder I could see Lou's face going white with shock as he too properly looked at my beaten condition, and my stomach twisted as I realised my prediction was right: he didn't even remember.

"DeWitt's contacts, Rem and Sticks," I replied, heart heavy with the knowledge that however angry Birdie already was with my brother, it was about to get a whole lot worse.

I pulled away from Birdie's well-meaning yet overbearing hug and began collecting my few worldly possessions from around the caravan as I recounted the events of last night to the red-headed girl, wishing to spare her the gruesome details yet finding myself unable to commit the omission of truth. She was as much a part of my family as Lou, lying to her would feel like a betrayal too unforgivable to commit.

"... and now I'm going to go live with my friend," I ended the tale simply, shoving the measly amount of clothes into my holdall and zipping it up, "And I'm not going to do deals anymore or ever meet with DeWitt's disgusting men again, because the next time I lay eyes on those two I'm going to kill them."

Both Birdie and Lou sat in horrified silence, unsure of which words, if any, would be able to make things okay. Placing the naloxone box down, I shouldered the bag and picked up my Daffy Duck plush, considering it for a second before I turned to Lou and stooped to hug him hard from where he sat miserable on his bed. Tears pricked at my eyes as his arms tentatively rose to embrace me back, the both of us knowing my out of character display of physical affection could only mean one thing: I truly was leaving.