The Survivors Trilogy

BOOK ONE || CHAPTER THIRTY

Kara presses her hand to my jaw, and I break away, eyes wide, wondering what the hell just happened. She leans her forehead against mine, but I move back, trying to get as far away from her as possible. Her eyes slowly travel up to mine and I bolt upright, jumping as far away from her as my legs can.

She blinks blue eyes at me which aren't hers.

And I snap.

I scramble away from her, squeezing my eyes shut. Opening them again, I stop dead in my tracks.

"What's wrong?" Vicky says, but it's not her, it's not her, it's not her. It looks like Vicky—her dark hair in one simple braid over her shoulder—but it sounds like Kara. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to snap back to what is really in front of me.

Kara's blonde hair swims back into view, and I relax... only slightly, only to stop acting like I've gone completely insane. "Are you okay?" she asks.

Yes? No? I don't even know how I feel any more. Nothing is making sense to me any more. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

"I...," I start, staring at the expression on her face, which I'm sure doesn't even compare to what my face holds. "I... I d-d..." I have no clue what I'm trying to say. It just sounds like inhuman noises trying to fight their way through my throat.

She starts to stand up, and I do the same, moving farther and farther away from her, my feet sinking in the soft white sand below me. The sand is too bright. The sun is too bright, and I feel like I've gone blind.

She slowly walks toward me, but I try to step away from her, almost stumbling backward on the soft sand.

"Xander?" she says, her eyebrows furrowed. "Are you... okay, Xan?"

"No!" I shout, making her jump. "D-don't... call me that." I start walking backward up the dune, trying to get away from her as quickly as I can. "Don't... don't..."

The heat from the fire makes me want to crawl into a ball; to never get back up again.

I just want to get away. Away from everything, everything—

"I have to go," I say, watching her figure getting smaller. I'm sure I sound and look crazy, but I don't care. "I have to go," I repeat as I turn around, jogging back to the entrance, seeing if I remember where to go.

* * * * *

I almost rip the curtain off the ceiling as I enter the building.

I don't exactly know where I'm going. I don't even know why I am running away. I just know I need to be alone. When I saw Vicky's blue eyes on Kara's face, something inside me just exploded, and I don't know what to do about it.

I ignore the Wasters' eyes on me as I speed walk to nowhere in particular, trying to find somewhere where there is no one to bother me. 

I only know a couple of places that I could go to—somewhere no one would want to disturb someone else.

Our bedroom.

The oasis.

And the shower.

I decide to go with the latter, so I head straight there as quickly as my legs can carry me, silently praying no one will be there. I have a high risk of someone entering my bedroom, and more than likely some of the Wasters will be at the oasis. 

I pass the Mess Hall quickly, not looking up at the Wastelanders as they cast glances in my direction. Maybe some of them are looking up because they know what I'm thinking—no. Don't be stupid, Xander. They don't know. Maybe they are looking up just out of curiosity. Yeah. That's got to be it.