my jewel ; chancheol

i n t r o ; chan

Chan's POV

When I got it, the first thing I remember was my alarm clock blaring in my ears. I remember shooting up from my bed and immediately feeling for it on my chest, a huge smile plastered on my face from the excitement bubbling in my heart. They're always on the chest. If they aren't, it's abnormal. I remember the fear I felt when I couldn't find it there. how my breath quickened in a panic. I remember how I ran to the bathroom mirror, almost falling because I was so rushed. When I took off my shirt to find it, I saw that it wasn't above my chest but below it. It was closer to my bellybutton than to my chest. It was between my bellybutton and my ribs. I remember thinking, I'm a freak. I thought, No one has a Jewel below their chest, that's not normal!

I remember being so occupied worrying about the placement that I didn't even look at the Jewel itself. It was a mix of light teal and jade green, small flakes of gold swimming around. It would definitely be considered a premium Jewel in the society I live in. If not for its placement, that is. I remember wanting to stay home from school, I didn't want anyone to see it. I didn't want him to see it. He would think it was weird. He would think I was weird.

He didn't have a Jewel, though. He was already 13 at the time, almost 14, and he didn't have his own Jewel. It made me feel better, but I know it shouldn't have. I still feel guilty for feeling that way. I know he's always been insecure about getting it late. There was a time when he was so scared he'd never have a soulmate or a Jewel that he locked himself in his room for almost a full day. He's always been the type to really value those kinds of relationships, so I can see why it was hard for him. He wouldn't let anyone in. I thankfully happened to be the exception.

I still remember that day very clearly. You can probably tell but I have an exquisite memory. His grandparents were the ones to call me. He's lived with his grandparents all his life, his mother dying during childbirth and his father dying in a car accident only months later. He was never ashamed of living with his grandparents or for being an orphan, though he did sometimes feel left out. I sure know what that's like.

Anyway, when his grandparents called, they told me what happened. They said he was worried he really wouldn't ever receive a Jewel. He had about a week until he was a shiny fifteen and the feelings of both stress and anxiety were eating him alive. He had locked himself in his room and his grandparents were worried about what he would do to himself. They called me in hopes of changing his mind.

I rushed down the stairs, falling only once, and ran to my bike. I rode to his house and knocked on the door hurriedly. I was really thankful our houses were only a block away that day. His grandparents almost immediately opened the door, worried expressions evident on their faces. I wasted no time and dashed to his room. I caught my breath before knocking on his white door.

"Cheol?" I called but there was no response. "Cheol, please come out. You're grandparents are really worried about you and so am I. Please, come out and we can talk. We don't even have to talk if that's what you want, but just please come out."

There was a long pause of silence. I listened carefully to make sure he was okay. I was shocked to hear small sobs coming from inside. I waited outside his door for hours. Suddenly, there was a click as the lock to his door switched. I guess it was his way of saying, "it's okay. I trust you."

When I saw him, my heart broke a little. His eyes were puffy and there were a dozen tissues surrounding him. I stayed with him that night. I comforted him. We had fun together and we cried beside each other. It brought us closer.

The day he got his Jewel, he ran to my house and sprinted up the stairs to my bedroom. I've never regretted giving him a key so much. He came in grinning like a maniac. He looked like he ran a marathon, like a kid finally getting the toy he'd been asking his parent to buy him for weeks.

He was yelling things like, "I got it Chan," and "Look at how pretty it is!" There was one comment, however, that stuck out. He said, "I wonder if my soulmate is just as pretty. She's probably prettier." It hurt. My heart. It felt broken. I felt broken. My love doesn't like men. He isn't gay, bisexual, not anything to allow him to like another man, not in the way I've wanted. I've never asked him about that kind of thing but I know it.

Besides, even if he did like men, he probably wouldn't like me. I'm annoying and nagging, I cling to him too much, and I can switch from super happy to completely drained. He always complains about how I whine too much as well. I'm like a brother to him and I doubt he's okay with incest. There's no point in me liking him.

I still hadn't seen his Jewel, and I honestly didn't want to, but as soon as I saw it, I froze. It was almost identical to mine. The only difference between ours was the color of our flakes; his were silver, not gold. This is why I refuse to show him mine. I'm scared that he'll be disgusted by me. I'm scared he'll have it removed. He might even sell it. Our Jewels would definitely sell for more than a couple of grand.

I guess everything worked out in my favor, though. We're childhood friends and I've always admired him. I guess those feeling just developed into something more than admiration. Something more intimate. Something called love. I hate it.

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I'm scared this'll flop.