Our Path of Freedom {HYYH, Wings, Love Yourself}

#4 First Love. Suga

                   

There are numerous ways in which god can make us lonely and lead us back to ourselves. This was the way it dealt with me at that time.

Your first love. It's the most pure, innocent and real love in your whole life. You receive it unconditionally, limitless and it truly comes from the deepest of your heart. It's parental love... love that I've never received. Yet I still had the experience of first love, unconditionally, limitless and from the deepest of my heart. The only love I've ever had. And the only thing that loved me. Music.

My name is Min Yoongi. I am 24 years old and I was born into a rich family. I had everything you could imagine, everything you could ever wish for. I had money, I was popular, I was good-looking. But there was something that I unfortunately was never able to buy with money... it was my parent's love.

Every child is craving for attention somehow because they wanted their parents to show them love. I didn't seek for attention because I knew from the beginning on that no matter how many things I would get from them, love wouldn't be one of those. But I've found myself another love. It has always been there, standing in the corner of our ridiculously big living room. A big brown piano. The corners of the house of my youth, a brown piano taking up space on one side.

Nobody ever played it. I almost thought it wouldn't even work, that it was just a dummy for decoration. I remember that time, the brown piano was so much taller than me, when it led me, I longed for you when I turned my face up to you, when I stroked you with one small finger.

But as soon as I grew tall enough to sit on the stool, I figured out that it was working really well. I remembered the first time I pushed one of the keys down like it was only yesterday. I was mesmerized by the sound as I never heard anything like that before. It had such a beautiful sonority and I could feel how my heart slowly started to be filled with something called love.

I was only 4 years old when I started to teach myself how to play the piano. My parents didn't mind me touching the precious instrument but they also didn't mind getting me a teacher. Because as I already knew back then, they didn't care at all.

As time went on I grew up falling in love with music more and more. I started to write my own songs and I wanted to become a professional. Little did I know that even though my parents never cared about me, they still cared about my education and what I was going to do for a living later.

You still wear our name and you're in charge of not ruining our reputation. That was what they told me when I asked why they suddenly showed so much interest in my life. Of course, how could I even think that they cared because of something else. I didn't mind at all though. I started to become careless as they were all those years. I decided just not to give a f*** anymore. I started to skip school, I got some tattoos, started to smoke and to play my songs on the streets.