Life is generous. We receive a lot of things during our short time on this earth. Love, pain, friends, enemies. In the end we all have to deal with ourselves.
HYYH, Wings, Love Yourself Story
A loud mixture of horrendous, intriguing, frightful, mysterious things including slaughter houses and prisons, drunkards and screeching fishwives, calving cows, horses sinking to their death, tales of robberies, murders and suicides.
I was free. I've always been. Everybody's aiming for freedom but I can tell... it's such a boring thing. So pointless, I'm living pointless, without a purpose. Some days are so beautiful, faking the imagination that things could get better by only the existence of light. But I knew it wasn't real, so I just stand with the darkness I'm used to. And there is only one thing I want. I want to be free from freedom.
My name is Kim Namjoon and I am 23 years old. My parents died in a car accident when I was 16. Old enough to take care of myself, that's what the police said. I didn't have anything or anybody else. My grandparents all died longer ago and I also had no other relatives. I was all alone and I didn't have anything. So I lived on the streets fighting against the death that was aiming for me. I used to sleep under bridges, inside coffee shops till they kicked me out, or I was just staying awake all night watching the stars. One day a guy found me and told me that he was able to help me. He clearly looked like trouble and I knew that he was one of those men who lived lawless. He brought me to one of the shady areas in Seoul. He gave me a place to sleep and something to eat. I only had to do some dirty work for him tough. I didn't mind at all. I didn't have anything to lose anyways and I thought that the adrenaline kick would give me some kind of satisfaction. I also thought the darkness and shadiness suited me well. It felt like a reflection of how I felt inside. I started dealing with drugs for him. I never took them by myself though since I didn't want to get my mind blown up and confused. I also met another guy that was nearly my age there. His name was Kim Taehyung and we had more in common than we thought at first. We quickly became best friends, like brothers. We did everything together, took care of each other. But somehow, we weren't able to protect each other from what was slowly growing inside of us... We ended up having trouble with the police a couple of times but our boss always bought us free, so it was kind of fun for us. We loved to play around knowing pretty well that there was nothing being able to harm us. We didn't know back then, that the worst was yet to come.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
The area was still kind of safe since the police didn't come there a lot since they were too afraid to get killed. Gang members were peacefully walking on the streets with their guns in their pockets. We ruled the streets. Our boss had a lot more power than the police and they knew that. I had a nice life. Money, girls and my brother. The other members paid me respect. But somehow, I wasn't happy at all. My life is better now yet it seems like something is still missing.My mind is not satisfied, craving for something I can't figure out what it is. It was one of those days when I really didn't like myself. Some days I just really hate myself. I wish I could love myself.
Months went by and the drugs I sold became more attractive to me every day as I felt lost more and more. Taehyung got into prison one day for good and I started to feel worse. And I felt guilty. I felt guilty that I wasn't able to protect him from her. That I wasn't there to grab his hand and run that night. The FBI was on him so our boss didn't want to get involved anymore. I felt like a mess. I didn't only lose my brother, I also started to lose my mind. My other mates told me I should try some drugs since it would help me to feel better. So I did. I didn't have anything to lose anyways right? It didn't want to do it with the others though. One day I was all alone in my room and I decided to finally try some cocaine. I carefully drew a line with the white powder and clumsily sucked in. Soon everything started to feel dizzy and my vision became blurry. The next thing I saw was this narrow room. It was full of mirrors. I carefully stood up and walked up to the wall to see my own reflection. Suddenly there was a low voice speaking to me.
