Afternoon Run

seven; ❝what have i done?❞

   A few days later, I'm out on a run again, and I'm trying to distract myself. Except, Alex has somehow managed to find me, and is asking a bunch of questions.

He knows what happened, and he event witnessed the saddening event. Ever since, he's been continuously apologizing and refuses to leave me alone. He believes that he has some kind of duty to make sure that I'll be okay.

"You're really done?" Alex asks me again.

I nod my head, preferring not to speak about it but I add, "I want to protect her from anything worse that would have happened."

I somehow seem so sure that anything in the future would be bad, but how could I ever be sure?

"Look, Adelina, I didn't mean those things. I didn't think that you would take them seriously. I'm really sorry that those thoughts got into your head."

Of course, he says that now that all is said and done.

With that comment though, I fully take in what I've done, and additional regret washes over me. I allowed an idiot to say those things to me, and I let it make me question everything.

I can't completely blame him though. He had the match, but I lit the fire.

With my own fears, I ruined everything.

"I shouldn't have broken up with Jesenia, that was a mistake," I finally say after the long silence that follows his bold words.

"I'll give you some time alone," he says, and he runs away from me. "I think I've already done enough to ruin everything."

I can't bear to be alone with my thoughts right now.

"Alex!" I yell loudly, but it's already too late.

He disappears from my sight and I let out a deep breath, upset that I may have hurt him somehow. It seems unrealistic, but my head somehow always makes me believe that I did something wrong. It's always my fault. I had blamed myself for my parent's divorce too.

"Adelina," someone behind me says.

I can recognize the voice, and when I turn around, I find that it's Jesenia. She's visibly angry, and I understand that. Her sudden appearance does surprise me though, and before I can bring up any questions, she starts speaking.

"I'm happy he ran from you. No one else should get hurt because of you."

It's a horrible sight to see her so mad, and I know that it's all because of me. If only I could just go back in time and change everything. If only I weren't such an idiot. If only I hadn't messed everything up.

"Jesenia, I —"

"Don't. My biggest flaw was letting myself get caught up in the feeling and believing that you actually cared."

"I do care. You're just mad at me. You don't actually mean it," I say, fumbling around for the words to say.

  Inside my mind though, I can already tell that she's being honest. And it's all my fault for being so foolish.

"I mean them," she assures me, and then she turns around, leaving me alone.

She disappears as quickly as she had appeared. I don't even bother asking the obvious questions about how she found me, or how she knows the best ways to hurt me.

As hard as it was, I deserve that. If I hadn't let my insecurities ruin my life again, then this would have never happened.

She was one of the few people left in this world that truly cared about me, and I lost all of that too.

Everything can change so quickly, including things that are out of my control. Except, this isn't like the divorce of my two parents.

It was a beautiful relationship with an extreme amount of potential, and we could have survived the rainy days. Instead, I stomped all over it like a weak plant.

This, unlike the unpredictable events in my long life, was completely my fault.