Immortal (boy x boy)

Part 12

A/N: This song goes with the entire story. I'm just a bunch of trash! XD Sorry. Anyway, if you don't know the song, give it a listen. Gotta love FOB! XD Ignore me and just read.

(Haruki's POV)

I wanted to punch my monitor. And I wasn't usually a violent person. In fact, I had never wanted to hit anything before. But I felt the clock ticking down, like a time bomb ready to explode. I felt like I  was the bomb. I dropped my head on the table with a loud thud. It stung a little, but I didn't care. I still didn't know where he was. It'd been a month and I still had no clue where to even look. I had no leads whatsoever. I felt like I was watching Takahiro drowning in the deep end, but I was swimming in honey and could never touch him.

I'd stopped going to school. After all, what was the point? Nothing was more important than my friend. Besides, it wasn't like my parents would care if I did or not. Even if the school called them, they probably wouldn't get the message. They were too busy with work to worry about their only son. I understood that they loved their jobs and were making enough money so that I would never want for anything. But that was just it. I wanted nothing but their attention. I didn't care about expensive clothes or games or anything material. Their love was all I ever needed, but they didn't see that.

I glanced at the time. School would be letting out now. It was so weird not being there. I'd find myself looking at the clock and thinking about what class I'd be in right then. I'd find myself gazing off into space and thinking about all the times I'd stared at the back of Takahiro's head, wishing him to turn around and smile at me. But, he never seemed to notice my eyes on him. I used to wonder what his smile would look like, although that hasn't changed. He'd smile, but it was fake. It was like he was forcing it. I wanted to see him truly smile, to see if it lit up his golden eyes. I wanted to hear him laugh, to really let loose. In short, I wanted him to be happy.

When I thought about his life, it made me sad. No person should be treated like that, least of all by one's own parents. He'd known nothing but pain and rejection from everyone. I wished I would've had to courage to say more to him. Maybe I could've stopped it from going so far. I couldn't stop his parents' abuse, but maybe I could've done something. I could've...I didn't know. I just wished there was something I could've done so I wouldn't feel so damn useless. I wished I could've been there for him, like he was for me.

I sighed. "Damn it all." And didn't that just describe everything? My entire life summarized in one little sentence. (A/N: this is so true for me as well. XD Continue reading!) I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I let my breath out in a rush. There were so many things I should've done, could've done. I'd made many mistakes, but the worst one was not being there for Takahiro. I wanted to be the one he leaned on. I wanted to be the one to save him. Who was I kidding? I couldn't save myself, let alone anyone else. What business did I have, trying to act like a hero? 

Whether or not I could save Takahiro, I had to try. The one good thing I ever did, was never giving up when the going got hard. I had to save him, so I could at least say I gave it my all. I didn't half-ass things. That just wasn't my way. I spun around in my chair. I needed a lead, anything. Suddenly, something occurred to me. It was something that long-haired guy with the glasses said. He was obviously the one who orchestrated that whole fiasco. He'd said he wanted to return to the lab. What did that mean? Then, that kid who ran into me that one day flashed into my mind. He said he worked in a lab in genetics and his superior was cruel. Could he....?

I leaped up, flying out the door. I was hoping I'd run into the kid again. Then, maybe I could pry some information from him. I'd hate to do it, but I needed to. It wouldn't be hard, considering he was already a nervous wreck. He'd talk just to get all the stress of his chest. I apologized in advance for what I was about to do. I'd have to be smart, which I already was, and charming. The latter might be more difficult. I didn't usually talk to people and had always been alone. So, I didn't know if I could pull off charming. But, I had to try. That was what I kept telling myself. This was all for Hiro. 

I'd made so many mistakes with him already. I wasn't planning on making anymore. I'd make it up to him, however I possibly could. I let him down by just being who I was. I'd change for him. If it meant he'd be happy, I'd change. Or, though it would break me, I'd let him go. I'd do whatever would make him the happiest. Whether that included me or not, it didn't matter. I felt so much for him, but I couldn't admit even to myself what my true feelings were. I told myself that I barely knew him. Or that he didn't need that from me. Or that I just wanted to be his friend. Anything just to deny the truth. I didn't want to admit it, because then I'd have to face up to it. And I was too much of a coward to do that. If I accepted this feeling, he could catch on. I didn't want him to know any more than I wanted to know. So, I continued to deny the truth.