5: My Light

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Gazelle sat at the table in her parent's home. The warm hues of the clay bricks and chipped plaster had always comforted her. She looked down at the bowl of oatmeal she often ate for breakfast and found joy in the familiar recipe, the familiar bowl, and even the familiar spoon. She looked out the window from her seat, and the warm breeze came in through the open window. Laundry dried on long strings between the homes in the cramped sandy alleyway, one of many in her poverty-stricken homeland. All she heard was the wind and the flapping of sheets and shirts, and the seldom cheering of a child with the patting of a kickball.

"Gazelle!" A voice came from behind her. She was startled, but glad to hear her mother's voice. "Gazelle, eat your breakfast, it's going to get cold."

"Good morning, Mamá." she spoke. She sat in her chair and took the spoon, enjoying her breakfast that was made just for her with love and care. Her mother sat down at the table across from her.

"And if you don't hurry, you'll be late for school." Gazelle was stopped by some juxtaposition. She looked around the room, and nothing seemed disturbed. The picture of her family above the hearth was a dusted and faded memory. She fixated on it and looked at her young parents in the photo, she was young at the time. Something still wasn't right and it pinged on her senses as the moment played on.

"Mamá, is everything alright?" Gazelle asked hesitantly. Her mother looked across the table and gestured for her to calm down and answered.

"Everything is fine! You have a busy day ahead of you." She sipped her rich coffee and reached down for Gazelle's school bag, passing it to her. The orange backpack was, again, familiar with the patches and the written signatures of all of her friends. Gazelle was happy to see it and she felt a strong deja vu of her days in the schoolyard with her friends.

"Ok..." She said and took a final big bite of the tender oatmeal, stood up tall, and looped the bag over her shoulders. Her mother kissed one cheek then the other and opened the door.

"Off you go now or you'll be late." She told her. Gazelle went through the door and stood in the vacant sandy alleyway, feeling the uneven brick street on her hooves. She turned around and waved to her mother. "I love you, Gazelle! I love you so much!" Her mother called. "And find a new distraction!" The strange phrase pinged across Gazelle's mind like a beam of light. She opened her mouth to reply and all that came from her was a squeak. She felt her neck and found the scar from the accident, and felt her longer uncut hair blowing in the gentle breeze. She had grown taller and was older in an instant as she looked to her mom waving back at her from the doorway of her childhood home. "I'll see you after school!" Her mom called out, and right as she realized it, she woke up from the dream.

The abrasive buzzing of Clawhauser's alarm clock interrupted both of their slumbers. Gazelle threw her entire self upright, breathing heavily from the dream she experienced. Her mind spun, swearing it was real, at least it felt real. She saw her mother as she had remembered her, and she missed her dearly, more than ever and something felt terribly wrong. Gazelle couldn't hold her emotions, and quietly cried into her paws as Clawhauser finished a yawn and a stretch, then he noticed his despairing lover weep in the subtle glow of the morning sun.

"Gazelle? What's wrong, darling?" Of course, she couldn't answer, but instead she threw her arms around her cheetah and nuzzled his cheek, drying her tears on his fur. With a squeak, she wanted to say something but was always stopped, she would have to wait to tell him. "Gazelle, it was just a nightmare. Here," He held his paw out for her. She gripped his thumb with one paw, and another finger with her other paw. She held on and felt at his pads and the fur of his large paws until it convinced her that she was awake. "You're not drowning or burning. THIS is real." He reassured her with the simple ritual. She shook her head and he didn't understand her. The dream was far from a nightmare but was instead a dream so beautiful that the most frightening part was waking up from it, feeling it disappear from her mind, and fall apart into the obscure memory where dreams go. She hardly remembered her mother's face, could barely keep a hold on her voice that told her everything was fine. 'Find a new distraction' was still very clear in her mind. She wiped the tears and sleep from her eyes and nodded to Clawhauser, signaling she was ok. He smiled a loving, caring smile to her, and ran a claw through her messy curly hair before resting it on her cheek. "I love you so much." He told her, and kissed her lips with tender compassion. "I wish I could stay home today, I really do, but the department gets disorganized when I'm not around." She nodded, again understanding his duty. He turned and threw his legs over the edge of the bed, letting Gazelle throw her arms around his neck and shoulders. She really wanted him to stay, not to leave her be alone after the dream and some odd sense of foreboding. "I really have to go to work, darling." He told her. She held tight even as he rose out of the bed, and she clung to him with her arms around him as he stood. He began to walk away with the lightly framed girl on his back, dragging the sheets and bed covers away with them. She didn't mind the disarray, it would give her another thing to do among her subtle days. She let go of her cheetah and curled into the mound of covers on the floor, wanting to go back to sleep, go back to her mother, and hear both her own and her mother's voice. Clawhauser changed into his uniform, clean, pressed, and fitting as it always had. He really appreciated that she kept his laundry folded and his former bachelor apartment in a little more order. Without so many words, it was how she could express her love and gratitude for him, and not once would she ever complain. Clawhauser fumbled with the tie and sighed. "Could you?" He asked, bending down to the bundle of the sleepy Gazelle. She knotted his tie in a Windsor knot, doing it upside-down from her lounging perspective. She grabbed his paw as he stood and pulled herself up out of the bedding and yawned. Clawhauser checked himself in the mirror for a brief moment, admiring more the Gazelle in her nightgown at his side than himself. He smiled at her and patted her paw on his shoulder as she towered next to him.

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