random writings of a past life

letter 6

I seen you the other day. You spoke to me and my mom about life. It was enough for me to get my fill of you to last me. We messaged for a day. Now your back to ignoring me. I should have known that would have happened. I really want to see you again. That meeting in front of mom was not enough. I wanted more words with you. I wanted you to know how you hurt me. I made a joke in the messages because you said you were bored. I asked if you didnt have any games to play with besides my heart. You laughed thinking I was joking. Somehow it was true. I'm begging please dont exit my life this time. You stir a fire inside me that only ignites when you are around. I should ignore you too. I should make you wonder about me. I should make you question your sanity. You make my life hell but I would never want you to question yours.
I finally figured why we wouldn't have worked. These past couple of days we have messaged I realized your to friendly for me. Not in a bad way just I don't like being around people and you have all these friends. Your always so busy. I like spending my time at home with my family. You always seem to be going somewhere to do something. That's not me. I'm happy at home watching movies doing nothing. But you don't seem that way to me. I'm all partied out I have no energy in me to go out anymore. I wish you did too. I want you to settle down and be happy even if its without me. I want you to have kids even if they are not from me. I want you to experience the joy of holding this tiny being in your arms knowing you created this tiny human. I may want all this for you but I also know how much it would break my heart when you finally do.