random writings of a past life

letter 7

Dear Elio,

Your apparently very busy tonight. Or so your Snapchat message says. I cant but wonder what your doing. I cant help but wonder who your doing. I'm really trying to forget you. I should really stop messaging you. I should really do alot of things but it seems I'm addicted to you. Why is it that we seem to always go in circles with each other? Why do I keep bringing myself back to you? I dont believe in fate or destiny. I cant seem to help myself when it comes to you. I want to stop seeing you but I don't know how. I have known you half of my life already. I can know a only three people including yourself that I talk to that isn't family that I can truly say that about. Life with you in it is happier but sad at the same time.
2days later....
Here i am still thinking of you when i know I shouldnt be. I want to fall asleep in your arms. I want to wake up to your voice. I want everything I havr now with you. You make me feel so confused. I just wish one day we will decide what is really between us. Im happy now. But I feel like mess with my heart on purpose so i wont get over you.
.....
Ok its been a whole week of you ignoring me. I finally get it now. I meant it as a joke but it seems my mind knew but my heart didn't want to believe that you would continue to play this game. You did this to me you made me hate you.  I really wish it was your brother here and not you. I wish it was you who died instead of him. I wish he were here because at least then I would know his words were true. I wish I had never met you. I can't believe I allowed myself to be used like this again. I need someone who is willing to stay in my life. I wanted it to be you so bad but now I see that its not. I see now that your not the type to settle down and have a family. You have broken me for the last time tomorrow I will start new I will get over your for sure this time. I won't be fooled by your tricks again. You were my one dream but I seen now it was really nightmare warning me of the heart break you had in store for me. I just wanted to be loved and you couldn't give me that. Why couldn't you give me that? I don't care any more I just want you to know that you mean nothing to me now and you never will any more.