I have a fear of being unlovable.
Romantic.
Feelings.
They are foreign to me
Of course, in the past I have had crushs upon boys in my peers
And some have a crushs on me too
But never the same people have had crushs at the same junction in time.
I fear to be unloved by those whose own my feelings and desires
I desire to be held close
Hair brushed through with fingers
Comforting me
Warm
I desire to have a friend
A friend so close that they want to be with for every moment of your life.
To dance through life as one
I'm scared that I do not have one, now or in the future.
I have never been able to see myself with any person, not just someone but anyone.
I never looked into my future and been able to understand if someone is with me along my way.
And that scares me
Because I do wish to have those feelings I read so fondly about.
The butterflies in the stomach
The coy smiles to each other
The glow of happiness that seems to emit from within
I'm scared of being undesirable
Of never reaching out
missing my chance at
hap p i ne s s.
