My Happily Ever After [slow updates]

Okay.

     I drive down the road, not knowing where I'm going. Finally, the rain, and the tears, make it impossible to see anything. I pull over in the side the road, and turn off the car. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I don't belong anywhere. I've never been "popular", or anything but an outcast. I spent my high schools days cramming for tests and reading at the public library on the rez. Nobody's ever had my back, and maybe that's why I'm scared. I'm scared to trust people, scared to love, remembering what happened when I last said those three words that came back to bite me in the ass. Scared to move on, in case I get my heart shattered all over again.

I'm scared to live. Scared to laugh. Scared to open up, and take down some  of my walls.

All because of one person who ruined my life.

Ruined my soul.

Poisoned me with doubt and self hatred.

Sam...

     He did this to me. Made me feel worthless and unwanted. Well, I guess he wasn't wrong. I was unwanted. Unwanted by all, and I wanted, really, truly wanted, nobody.

(Well, maybe Jordan)

I don't blame them. The pack. Well, maybe I blame Sam a little bit. Or a lot.

While others were living their happily ever after, their lives going perfectly, enjoying college life and parties, getting wasted while dancing with a stranger, I was grounded here.

In this place.

Where nobody loved me, and I'm too scared to love someone myself.

Then, Sam's words fill my head again.

...after your father's death being your fault, you owe it to him to stay here.

How could he say that? I mean, I know that he hates me, and believe me, I caught onto that a while back, but did he honestly have to remind me of the fact that I could be the reason that my father'd died?

The tears ran down my face, and a strangled sob escaped my lips as I put both of my hands on the top of the steering wheel, put my forehead against them, and broke down. I lost track of time.

I'd never cried so much before. Looking at the clock, I'd been crying for an hour so far. An hour! I didn't even cry that long over Sam for god's sake! The tears kept coming, and I let them.

I've always been the girl that put on a brave face, put my chin up, and tried to not let people get me down.

I know what the others thought of me. That I was a bitch. A selfish, heartbroken girl that couldn't move on from her ex who was now engaged to her cousin, whose wedding was now only two months away. 

I don't understand how everybody was so happy for them when I had been so heartbroken. Had they even cared? How did everybody just expect me to move on right away? Heck, we had talked about marriage the day before he disappeared for cryin' out loud!

And then, he dumps me with no explanation, and the one time I go out of the house in a three months to get some fresh air down at the beach, I find them making out with each other, while she's wearing an engagement ring, and everybody expected me to be happy for them? What the fuck was up with that?