to most people, the sun is up there, in the galaxy; big and bright, yellow and burning, more than a thousand degrees hot. but to jihoon, the sun is down here, smiling and laughing as if he doesn't know that his smile is the closest thing jihoon coul...
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"i wish for this moment to last. the earth to stop revolving at the time, the years to stop, the time to freeze. just so the moment could stay."
jihoon cranes his neck to soonyoung's direction and asks himself if he did hear everything right, that soonyoung wants the moment to last- the moment with him. but then he shakes the thought off, reminding himself to not keep his hopes up. jihoon takes a glance again and sees the boy with his eyes closed, basking the cold blanket of the mountain while he shivers and pulls his jacket together.
right above them is a deep silver moon, shining as bright as the ring on jihoon's last finger. moonlight pours and splashes down the scenery, illuminating every corner with its heavenly glow and lessening the darkness of the evening. the moon showers soonyoung in its pale, glittering light, highlighting his soft features and giving him a gentle glow. jihoon could only stare in awe.
"look at the moon," soonyoung points at the sky and heaves a sigh, "you know i used to love someone who loves the sky a lot. he was my sun, he gave me light. gave me more than what i deserved. i thought we would last but it turns out that i was the only one who loves him truly- i am not the center of his universe."
jihoon feels a thorn in his heart. liar. "so you did fall in love before," he whispers, too softly, soonyoung doesn't hear it.
"may I know his name?"
soonyoung bitterly chuckles, "lee seokmin. an actual douchebag, but i don't know. we were the perfect chaos- thunderstorms and hurricanes tearing everything apart for the better and worse."
jihoon falls silent and gives soonyoung a small smile. he starts to think that maybe they're just not for each other. maybe if he is indeed soonyoung's satellite, it wont be enough- because the earth will always revolve around the sun.
"you still want to get back together with him?" jihoon asks
soonyoung shakes his head, "i don't know. lee seokmin...he's just so bright and his smile is really really beautiful." the boy tries to hide his smile but fails to do so, while jihoon keeps his tears from falling. it's his first time to fall hard for someone and after a few weeks here he is now, barely hanging on.
"I loved seokmin. I really did. maybe I still do, but I don't know, I don't think so. I deserve better."
this is why jihoon never wanted to fall in love. he wishes that he could have chased the thoughts of soonyoung away. but the boy is just too irresistible, something about him is making jihoon fall harder. before he met, he was a lonely atom waiting for a collision. but then soonyoung came crashing, and he knew that it was the start of the universe.
jihoon almost chokes up on his tears. "is there still a chance for you to get together again?"
soonyoung looks at him, then chuckles, "dude, seokmin has a boyfriend now. i'm all over it."
"are you looking for someone new then?"
"hmm," the boy purses his lips, "not necessarily, love will come eventually. I'm just going to wait for the right time...well, it's been a few years though and I think I like someone. I think." both of the boys fall silent for a good two minutes. soonyoung likes someone, someone else. jihoon is only fidgeting with his thumbs, wanting to say something but slowly getting swallowed in hesitation. he might end up crying if he says a word. on the other hand, soonyoung gulps, "what about you, jihoon? what is love to you?"
silence.
"earth to jihoon, hello?" soonyoung waves his hand in front of the boy. he's still so annoying, jihoon sighs.
"love is bullshit."
"aw come on, don't be like that!" soonyoung's eyes turns into cresents as he wraps his arm around jihoon's shoulder, "you can be honest with me, i won't judge or anything."jihoon swears that something in the way soonyoung smiles makes him want to fall harder, hug him or give him a kiss, as embarrassing as that sounds. there is something so comforting about being with him, almost as if it makes him feel like home.
jihoon admits to himself what he knew all along: soonyoung is his home, and as exaggerated as it may seem, he would give up everything to be with him.
silence covers the atmosphere. soonyoung's eyes remain on jihoon and the latter can't seem to understand how all this silence is possible with his heart beating out of his system. he wants to look away, but it's impossible to. even if soonyoung was the sun, jihoon wouldn't mind losing his sight as long as he gets to stare. It's over, jihoon muses. he had already fallen a little too much.
but does soonyoung feel the same? he doesn't. he likes someone else.
"why are we even talking about love, soonyoung? it's fucking new year's eve, shouldn't we be talking about things that we would like to change?"
soonyoung finds himself staring back as soon as jihoon steals a glance once more.
"ah, well, there's nothing that i'd like to change," soonyoung smiles and looks down the ground, "maybe your relationship status?"
jihoon's heart starts to beat out of its system. he thinks, did i hear everything right? then lowers his head so soonyoung wouldn't see his face. the older one laughs and tells him, "you're so adorable, jihoonie."
"stop, i'm not. say that to the one you like."
"but I just did."
jihoon purses his lips as his cheeks heat up a little more. he doesn't know if soonyoung is telling the truth or if he's just playing with him. maybe it's the latter-it has to be. the older seems to know what's on his mind. "I'm not joking around, jihoon. I like you."
at this moment, jihoon is mentally panicking, almost as if he's going to faint soon. the one he likes is after his own heart after all. he wants to tell soonyoung he feels the same way but he can't even look him in the eye, he's just staring at the ground like it's suddenly all interesting.
"you know, you really look familiar, like i've met you before. not sure but maybe you're my boyfriend in my past life," soonyoung tells him.
"that's impossible."
"well, it's a surprise how we have the exact same ring then," soonyoung adds, showing the ring on his finger. jihoon looks. It's definitely the same, shining brighter than all of saturn's rings combined, beautifully crafted in silver like icy remnants of the moon.
"my parents gave this to me before. where did you get yours?" the older asks
"I don't know, I had it when I was born."
"interesting."
fuck, jihoon curses in his mind. a second ago, they were talking about seokmin and now soonyoung is telling him they could be soulmates. soulmates are brought together at the right time, when both are ready to fill each other's gaps. but here comes jihoon; unprepared and currently freaking out. to have a soulmate is to accept each other's flaws, enjoy each other's company and help each other become a better person. this can't be right, jihoon muses. soonyoung does help him become better but he thinks he does nothing for the boy in return. he feels sorry, when he shouldn't be. because to soonyoung, jihoon doesn't have to do anything to make him want to be a better person. just one look, one smile, and soonyoung swears he'll make every good thing possible.
the thing about soulmates is that the universe makes everything happen with its own pace. it might be too slow, too fast or just right (in this case though, jihoon is sure it all happened pretty quickly) not that he's complaining, but why is the universe is doing all of these to him? why soonyoung? jihoon himself must have saved the entire world in his past to deserve someone so beautiful in this lifetime.
