Sing Me To Sleep

Shiver

Shiver

It’s a warm June evening. Fireflies dance over freshly mowed lawns and children are running around, soaking up the last few moments of daylight. The neighborhood isn’t the best in the city, but it is still nice, and there is a feeling that nothing bad ever happens in this place.

This peaceful scene is marred by a loud bang in a nearby house. The house is a god-awful shade of pepto bismo pink and seems to be falling apart. Its outside is dirty and it looks tiny and crammed together. It seems to tilt slightly to the left, as if it is just barely holding itself up.

Something is thrown and breaks against a wall. It’s a picture of a woman and man. The woman is petite with wispy blonde hair and light green eyes. The man is much taller, with grey eyes and light brown hair. They are smiling at each other, eyes a glow with the sort of light only love can bring. The picture frame is broken, and a crack forms between the happy couple.

“Fuck you, Brian! Fuck you!” The same woman in the picture now screams, her eyes bloodshot and her hair all over the place. She is clearly drunk.

“I wish you fucking would, Denise!” The man, Brian, yells back. “Lately if I want any action I have to go to a god damn bar.” His hair is also messy, his eyes just as bloodshot. There is lipstick on his chin, but it doesn’t match the color that Denise is wearing.

“Do you ever wonder why that is? Maybe it’s because you run around sleeping with other girls. Maybe you’re tainted now and I never want to touch you again.”

“I only sleep with other girls because you’re too prudish to put out since we’ve been living together. It’s like there’s nothing there anymore. No passion, no love, nothing. Nothing!”

Something else is thrown, this time a plate. Brian barely dodges it. “You are such a disgusting pig! How dare you blame the fact that you’re a dog on me? How dare you? Any good guy would put up with it. He would try to fix things. Not you. No! You have to go around fucking anything with legs, don’t you?” Tears suddenly flood Denise’s eyes. She drops to the ground, brings her knees to her chest, begins rocking back and forth.

Despite his intoxication, the anger disappears from Brian’s eyes at the sight of Denise’s tears. He slowly makes his way to her. He sits on the floor next to her. They don’t touch. The sound of sobbing fills the room.

“Oh my god. You’re just like my dad. You’re just like my dad. I’m my mom now. I’m putting up with your shit. I told myself I’d never do this. I promised myself.” She sniffles, wipes away her tears and looks back at Brian.

“Get your shit and get out, Brian. Get out of my life. Get out. Go.” She suddenly yells, shoving him. “Get the fuck out!”

Brian stands dazed for a few seconds, then he stands and says, “Fine. I’ll go. I don’t even want my stuff. You fucking keep it. I’m done with you and anything that you’ve been around.”

“Good. Now go.” She pushes him.

The two stare at each other for a few moments. Then Brian disappears, slamming the front door behind him.

Denise sinks to the floor and begins crying again. She doesn’t know how much time passes or when she begins to sober up, but she knows that she wants Brian back, that she doesn’t care who he was with tonight. She knows that she is weak and dumb, but she doesn’t mind it. She’ll be weak for him.

A knock sounds at the door, breaking the stillness of the house. Denise walks over, opens it. She doesn’t care that her mascara is running or that her cheeks are red from crying. She doesn’t care that she looks like hell.

Brian stands at the door, leaning up against the frame. “Hey.” He murmurs quietly. “Would it maybe be okay if I come back?”

“Yeah. It’s fine.” Denise replies, opening the door wider.

He steps in, tentatively touching her waist, pulling her to him. “I’m so sorry.” He has spoken the words so many times already that they are hollow, but it does not matter to Denise.

“It’s okay.” She whispers. The words are just as hollow, but they kiss anyway.

Denise shivers at the feeling of his lips against hers and she knows she will always come back for more. Always.

And so the night is forgotten, just like all the rest.

Denise remembers all of this as she sees Brian across the room. Years have passed. Brian looks different now. His grey eyes are less full of life and love as they once were. He has freckles she can’t remember and he slouches more now.

Brian doesn’t see her yet. He doesn’t see the ring on her finger or the man with his arm around her waist. He doesn’t notice that she’s been invited to their friend’s wedding too. Not right away.

Then their eyes meet across the room. Denise’s hair is shorter now, cut to her shoulder blades. He remembers how it used to hang down to the middle of her back, how he used to love to run his fingers through it. He is angry at her for cutting it all off. She looks like she’s gained a bit of weight, but she is still radiant as ever. Her eyes are the same, full of answers and questions, a sea he has lost himself in a million times before.

He looks at the man who is touching her, notices the ring on her finger. He looks away from her, away from those eyes, the ones who used to have a special look just for him. Does she look at her new husband like that? Her husband looks like he is all business. He wears glasses and a clean suit and has blonde hair, only it’s more dirty blonde than Denise’s. He looks the complete opposite of Brian.

Denise stares into Brian’s eyes for as long as she can manage. God, she’s missed that look he gets in his eyes when he sees her, like she lights up the room for him. Then he looks away and the spell is broken. There is just the past and the present. The present is James, her new husband. The past is Brian, her first real love.

Still, Denise can’t help but shiver. It’s a shiver that she hasn’t felt in years. She doesn’t shiver like that for anyone else, only Brian.

Then Denise turns away, thinking if she could turn back time she’d change everything. She’d shiver like she used to again. It’d be Brian here with her, not James. But she can’t turn back time.

So Denise walks away with her husband, and Brian is left alone, never to see her again.