To All Those Brave and Lovely

Choice

As impossible as it seems, Evangeline does show up twelve hours later, soaked to the bone and looking like she hadn't slept in days.  Maybe she hadn't, but Nora doesn't care, because right now this isn't about being friendly or gentle or caring.  This is about preparing for the fight.

"What do you need?"  For the first time, Nora can fully appreciate the fact that Evangeline was a soldiers.  Soldiers take orders and do not argue about them, no matter how unorthodox or dangerous or how much they might not want to.  And for the moment, Evangeline was fighting on her side.

"I need you to help me make an escape plan."  She kicks open the door to the lab, revealing the spare parts and the blue prints and the half assembled suits that were strewn everywhere.  "It should be easy."

Nora has, if her count is correct, been in life threatening situations three times.  Each time, she had thought there was no way that she would be able to come out again.  And yet, each time, she did.

It was different, when you could see it coming.  When you know this is avoidable, and have time to imagine the different outcomes, the pain.  And even though she fully intended to walk away with both herself and Tony, Nora knew that it might not end up that way.

Peter,

She stopped writing for a while, because what was there to say, really, when you had to explain to the boy you love that you were going on a suicide mission without telling him?  There was nothing.

I guess I should start with I'm sorry.

I'm hoping that by the time this letter gets to you, I'll already be on my way back.  But I know that might not happen, so I thought I would write this just in case.  

I want to think that you would understand what I'm trying to do, how I need to do this.  Everyone has choices in life, and this is one that I'm making for myself.  I know it seems insane, but I also think that you get what I'm talking about.

I'm sorry.  I love you.  I didn't want to leave you behind on this, but they would hurt you, and that scares me more than anything else.

I love you,

Nora.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

They are both sitting on the basement floor, the chill of it seeping through her pajamas and into her skin.  Nora and Evangeline had spent the better part of the week getting ready for this, making sure that it will work when it's needed.  And now it was the end, the last day, the now or never.  "I have to."

Evangeline picked up the needle that DUM-E had carried over to both of them, tossing it from one hand to the other, centering it in her palm like she was testing the balance.  "It's going to hurt."

Nora knows that.  She had read all about this in Tony's notes, how he designed the suit to come to him by attaching it to neurons, how the sensors sunk into his bones.  How the pain was like having bones broken, over and over, until they really settled.  How it didn't even work the first time.  Nora knows all this, and she also knows that she only has one try to get this right, or its all over.

"What doesn't?"  She hadn't meant it as a joke, but it was funny, suddenly, when you take into account of who they are and what they are here to do, everything they had gone through together.  And Evangeline clearly gets the joke, because even with all her training she still loses her composure, bursting into giggles and leaning against Nora for support.

They ride that wave for a long time, but Nora is the first to sober, stretching out her arm to Evangeline.  "Come on,"  She brings Evangeline's hand to her wrist, positions the needle so the tip is close enough to break the skin if the other girl would only push down.  "We need to get this done."

(Nora doesn't scream, but she comes close.)

She stops at Peter's apartment on the way there, even though time is running out.

When he answers the door its clear that he's just woken up, and the sight of his makes her want to break down and tell him the truth.  How they promised to look for him together but along the way Nora decided it was something she had to do one her own.  How she might be leaving him after she had just promised him as close to forever as they could get.

"Hey."  He smiles at the sight of her.  "What are you doing here?"

"Nothing.  I just wanted to drop in."  She's guilty for this, too, because these would be their last words, last moments, and Peter had no idea that he should be paying such close attention.  Nora felt like she was robbing him of something.  "Did I wake you up?"

"A little."  

"Okay."  she does not have time to stay, not really.  Nora just wanted to try and burn him into her memory, just so she could think back on it if she doesn't get another chance.  "I'll let you get back to sleep.  I just wanted to do something first."

"And what's that?"

He's smiling because he knows the answer, and she kisses him, a real kiss, the kind that she definitely wouldn't have done unless they were behind closed doors, that they've rarely gotten the chance to have.  And it hurts, because he is so happy when they break apart, even as she says good bye, even as she turns away from him, even as she trails behind and slips her letter under Aunt May's purse, where she knows it will stay hidden until tomorrow morning, and by then it will be too late.

It's a dark alley between two broken buildings.

She's in the car that Tony bought her, the one with the ability to reach NASCAR level speeds and the shiny paint that made Flash jealous when he saw Peter riding in it.  It looks out of place here, but that was sort of the point, in the hopes that it might be found faster.

If there's a part of her that wasn't to hesitate, to turn around, she doesn't let herself act on it, just gets out of the car and squints up into the corner of the parking garage, the one that was all lit up.  She doesn't know what's waiting there (and what's to say they won't just kill you?  Why should they take you anywhere at all?) but she couldn't not try.

"It's just a game,"  She told herself again.  A game of heroes and villains, a game of courts and kings and all their many pawns.  "A game you need to win."

When she finally manages to pick her way through all the crumbled walls and cracked pavement, she is standing in an empty room.  There is a folding table and a chair and nothing else, just that stupid spotlight pointing down at the street so she knew where to go.

"Cowards,"  She says, and kicks out at the table, sends it scattering.  But not cowards, exactly, just people who are always one step ahead of her.  People who did not really expect her to show up.  People who, if she did show up, wanted to give her time to start running.

"Bastards," Nora spits, and that feels better.  Makes her feel more in control.  But even as she stares down around at the empty parking garage and at the single seat, she can't help but realize what this is.

A choice.

Margot had been all about choices.  They were blurred choices that she pretended were black and white, but they were choices: pain or safety.  Righteousness or betrayal.  Sacrifice or salvation.  And here it was again, the choice to run and leave Tony to the mercy of his captors, or the choice to take a chance on the notion that they might keep their word.

Nora circles the chair.  She digs her fingers into her wrist, so she could feel where the sensors connected with the bone and hopes the heat means that they are working, that somewhere a suit is activated and tracking her, just waiting for her commands.

And then she sits.