Letters To Ianto (Janto Angst)

Chapter 10

I put down my letter from the previous day,  trying to ignore the tears streaming down my face.

Jones just looks up at me with big, sad chocolate eyes and then is when I finally crumble. I start to sing quietly, tears choking me and making it come out slightly strangled. But the song is still there, for Ianto.

Nothing is so good it lasts eternity,

Perfect situations must go wrong,

But this has never yet prevented me

Wanting far too much for far too long

Looking back, I could have played it differently,

Won a few more moments, who can tell?

But it took time to understand the man,

Not at least, I know I know him well.

Wasn't it good?

Wasn't he fine?

Isn't it madness,

He can't be mine

But in the end,

He needs a little bit more than me

More security

I know him so well

No-one in your life is with you constantly,

No-one is completely on your side.

And though I moved my world to be with him,

Still the gap between us is too wide.

Looking back I could have played it differently,

Learned about the man before I fell,

But I was ever so much younger then,

Now at least I know I know him well.

Wasn't it good?

Wasn't he fine?

Isn't it madness,

He can't be mine

Didn't I know how it would go?

If I knew from the start,

Why,

Why am I falling apart?

He can't be mine.

But in the end,

He needs a little bit more than me.

More security,

I know him so well

It took time to understand him.

I know him so well.

I don't hear the low wheezing or the footsteps I know so well, but the hand on my shoulder doesn't startle me, it never has. He knows what it's like to lose someone. And what it's like to have to continue living without them.

I don't understand what he says at first, but on the second repeat I finally grasp the meaning of the words.

"I can take you back to him, Jack."

A/N: Song is I Know Him So Well (solo version) by John Barrowman.