When It Snowed

Chapter 26 - Tell Me Something

Finley squeezed over and over and over again. With every contraction, the metal that created her fingers creaked and moaned under her brutal strength. The fact that she could manipulate it, it was something that she never really used to believe in. Robotics, technology, that was always Howard's thing, not hers.

At the moment, it was just herself and Steve that day the room. Bucky was off getting her new clothes and the others respected her privacy as much as they could. Everyone knew she couldn't be left alone though, not yet. Even Finley was aware of what could go wrong if she got into her own head and she were to snap. The feeling of being babysat though, she hated every second of it. So, instead, she decided to focus on Steve. The man was tied to so much in her past, just as many images of him flashed through her head as they did of Bucky. The only difference was that they both had different feeling of emotion to them. Bucky's was more intimate, more caring, more homey. Steve's, Steve's just felt like an aching feeling. He was important to her and who she used to be, she felt the need to be there for him, to take care of him, to be his body guard. The feeling never went away, even while she was under HYDRAS control.

"Did it hurt?" Steve asked in a sad tone, his eyes locked on the metal arm that was welded to her body and nerves.

Knowing exactly what he was getting at, Finley squeezed her hand tight and listened to the creaking once more. "I can't remember." She guessed muttered sadly. "I don't remember a lot of it. Every now and again I get flashes, but that's it. Before I can even recognize what they're trying to tell me,  they're gone."

For a short moment, Steve studied her in every way that he could. Her posture, the bags under her eyes, how fast she was breathing, where she would look, the bags under her eyes. "I'm sorry." He finally breathed when he was forced to look away. The guilt from all of this, what she had been through, it didn't all just weigh down on Bucky. Steve felt it too, every day. He was the reason she was brought into the military, Steve asked her to join him during Bucky's rescue mission. He was scared to do it alone, Finley was one for making people face their fears. But something like that, Finley swore to him that he would never be alone.

So how was it fair that she had to be for those 70 years?

Immediately, Finley felt a sharp pain in her chest, she recognized it as anger. "Stop saying your sorry." The silence filled the room as he watched her speak. "I did it for a reason. Didn't I?" Her eyes had suddenly locked on his. Seeing as he didn't have any words to respond with- she continued. "Then don't take that away from me. All I know is what's on paper, but what I believe is something different." Slowly, her stare shifted towards the door. "Whatever happened, I did it for him-" she nodded towards Bucky who was on the other side of the glass talking to Barton and Sam. "-for you. I know that's the truth. Anything outside of that, I'm not sure of."

Of course Finley was hurting, but again- she just didn't understand why. That's what got to her the most, everything around her was a constant guessing game. When she ate, she couldn't remember what she liked and what she didn't, if she was allergic to something, she couldn't remember her last name most of the time, yet she could remember theirs.

In some way, it seemed that the boys were a  bigger part of her life than she was herself back then. Whether or not that was true she had yet to discover. That's why she always heard their voices, saw his face, his eyes when she was faced with pain and torture by the hands of HYDRA.

That's why Bucky was so important to her, as well as the little Short Stack in front of her.

"Do you remember why you called me ShortStack?" He tried breaking the tension with a little humor.

Squeezing her hand again, Finley took a breath. "It was because you were so short."

"No." He chuckled shaking his head. It somewhat caught her by surprise, seeing that she was wrong over something so simple. "The second time we met, Bucky found you when he was on a run." Her interest peaked towards the story, she remembered the same tale leaving the lips of Barnes- but it was blurry. "He brought you to my house and you woke me up by jumping on me. We took you to breakfast. You skipped out and paid the bill, I never saw Buck so angry." He chuckled softly. "You called me Short Stack because-"