To Love A Monster

Ch. 6 Faded Memories

Soon, America came knocking on his door. When Japan didn't answer, just laid there under his covers, America just took a key out of his pocket and let himself in. Not far behind him were Britain and Russia. Russia had not really left Japan at all, and Britain wasn't really ever there. But he had lost some of his men in Nagasaki, which was a real downer for him.

Japan pulled the covers over his head, his bedroom was also locked. There was no key for it, so they'd better just leave him alone. He wasn't in the mood to see the people who had defeated him, or at least that's what his bosses were telling him. Wait, were they even his bosses anymore? Or...was he to be bossed around by an American?

Japan wanted to rip out his hair, throw his mat across the room, go running around the city nude and scream things randomly in really bad Russian. That made more sense to him than this surrender. Than his destroyed city. Than his sworn enemies rummaging through his house, probably eating the small bits of food he had left.

China knocked on the door, the small tapping noise was very familiar to Japan. He had lived with him for a very long time, China had actually raised him, but Japan felt like he was much more sophisticated and left. That was a long time ago. China knocked again, this time more quicky and more impatiently.

"Brother, you get yourself out here this instant, aru. We are waiting on you." China badgered him. Japan stood, tossing his bed sheets aside messily, and walked to his door. He unlocked it, slid it open long enough to see China's face, then slammed it as hard as he could. China huffed, lost his temper, then stomped away. Russia laughed at the scene, explaining that Japan had done the same thing to him just that morning. Japan slid open the door for just a moment to throw Russia a death glare, then slammed it again.

A fluffy little gray kitten hobbled awkwardly towards him. It was a stray that had managed to hop in through the window and stagger over to him just this morning. It had a blue eye and an amber one, Japan thought it was cute. Japan knelt down to pick it up. The kitten licked his finger, sniffed it, then crawled into them. Kiku stood, holding it close to his chest.

"Oh, you're so sweet." The kitten purred at the sound of his voice, giving her new owner a nice kiss on the cheek. "I think I'll name you Aiko." The kitten wiggled in response, squirming out of Japans hands to climb on his shoulder. Aiko jumped from Japan's shoulder and darted out of the small crack in the sliding door. It must have reopened whenever Japan had slammed it. China would bring back Aiko if he knew what was good for him. Japan went to close the door, but noticed that someone was standing there.

He peeked through the crack, only to be faced with menacing purple eyes. Japan jumped backwards, horror gripped him as Russia forced the door completely open with one swift movement of his wrist. One hand held the door open, and the other held a small grey kitten with one blue eye and one amber. It was happy.

"Why are you hiding in here?" Russia asked, setting down the kitten who just scrambled out the door again. Little bastard.

"Staying away from people rike you." Japan said flatly, plopping down on his mat. Russia walked farther into the room, closing the sliding door behind him.

"You do know that Hirohito has agreed to this, da?" Russia said calmly. Was the little Japanese man trying to get a reaction out of the scariest man here? Japan threw him a look that could have melted his soul. It was a look of disbelief, one that disapproved of anything he had to say about the Emperor. Russia continued as if Japan hadn't looked at him at all. "He told his that the surrender was good for the conservation of the human race."

"I heard my Emperor tell us that we had rost to the American and Soviet forces." Japan snapped. "I heard it on the radio. But what I don't understand is...everything." There was a softness to his words that Russia did not understand.

"What do you mean? The war is over, completely over."

"Germany surrendered?" Japan asked, sitting up straighter.

"A...very long time ago..." Russia said, confused. "What is the last thing you remember?"

"That Germany had surrendered because Hitler had died, you stole the body and wouldn't give it to America. You were in Germany, making a mess of things, picking on America to no end, and I was here. Planning to make a atomic bomb." Japan shivered, "But His Majesty hated the idea, and banned the research all together. America sent me word that he was planning on bombing us, and I sent him back a letter stating that I didn't care and that we would end the war. By force."

Russia stared at him, a look of sheer disbelief in his violet eyes. "What is today's date?"

"June something-or-another." Japan said softly. "I think I was ambushed after my meeting with The Emperor in Tokyo, and I've been in a coma until this morning." Russia still had that look of sheer disbelief in his eyes. It was like he was talking to someone who refused to believe what had happened. Or...maybe Kiku had lost his memory.

"The date...is August 20th, 1945." Russia said, Japan shook his head. Laughing at him, he stood up and walked over to the radio. After turning it on, listening for awhile, he realized that Russia was right. Japan looked at Russia, the look said one word and one word only: Answers.

"There were two nuclear bombs dropped on two of your cities, along with numerous air raids and countless battles since June. You're trying to tell me that you don't remember any of that?" Russia said, his tone was curious but he could tell that Japan didn't believe a word he was saying.

"I don't understand..."Japan said again, a massive headache had occurred between his ears. Maybe he did have memories of all those events. Maybe deep down, somewhere, he knew about the bombs. Maybe deep down he even knew that he had lost. Maybe somewhere between his ears he was okay with losing the war. But right now, he had a pain in between his ears and nothing made any sense.

"I don't understand how you can't remember anything." Russia said softly, looking him over. "Maybe it's the radiation sickness..." Russia stared at him like a science experiment gone wrong. Japan looked at him again, that disgusted look on his face.

"I am not sick!" Japan said, standing up. He pointed out of the room, an angry look on his face. It didn't take a genius to know what he wanted. Russia stood, let go of the grey kitten, and left the room. He shut the door behind him.

Japan kicked his mattress. It amounted to nothing more than a hurt toe. Japan growled, frustrated with himself. Why was all of this happening to him? Why was all of this happening to his people?

He ran to his door, sliding it open, ran down his hallway, and out of his home. He knew it was rash, impulsive, stupid but that's how he felt. Nothing that would happen would surprise him. He stopped. What was he doing? What was he becoming? For the longest time he just stood there, his raven hair obscuring his chocolate eyes and wondered about the future. Wondered about the memories he has forgotten. Worried about the things he needed to do.

His heart pounded, blood rushed to his ears, and he felt tears begin to threaten his will to stay strong. Japan looked to the sky, a thick blanket of grey. Hopeless and bare. In the corner of his vision he saw a blinding light. For a moment his first reaction was to fall to the ground, cover his head, and pray. His body shook, the hairs on his arms stood straight up, and his eyes were wide with fear. Japan breathed a sigh of relief, a laughter broke from inside of his chest. The war had apparently taken it's toll on him, for him to be afraid of the sunlight.

A small lifeless smile painted itself slowly across his face as he made his way back to his home.

________________________________________________________________________________

A/N:

I have this sudden urge to make this note. To clarify some things that some newer Hetalia fans may not know.

Kiku Honda is Japan's, how to put this, human name. If that makes any sense. And Ivan Braginski is Russia's human name. So whenever I am attempting to portray one characters thoughts about another I try to use their "real name" instead of the "country names" or "nation names". I hope this isnt confusing, and will try to make a note of their human names later on as I go along.