Accounts of Mental Health

Anxiety - fae's letter

As John Green put it, anxiety is like a spiral. The more you think, the farther you fall. As you go further it tightens. It's more than a mental block. It's an illness. It affects you physically as well as psychologically. First, your face may grow hot or your palms will sweat. Then your throat constricts and your chest feels as if it's concaving. Your lungs start to fail you; you can't breathe. You can't talk. The more you think, the worse it gets. Now you may say, just think about something else; distract yourself. But that's the thing about anxiety; you can't just forget about it. It eats at your thoughts until it's your whole world. Whatever triggers it becomes your entire reality. Sounds awful, doesn't it. I feel it every single day. This is why I can't do things like "stand up when you get the answer" unless I know for sure I know what i'm doing. I can't get called on unless I raise my hand. I'm affected by social anxiety. Everything I described in the opening point and more happens if an attack is triggered. Being singled out is an easy way to trigger them. I have my methods to combat these attacks. I draw and I write. When I do it, it's not out of not wanting to pay attention, most of the time. It's me trying to cope with my symptoms.