intrigue ' sirius [editing]

xviii. stupidity

chapter
↳ eighteen
moodboard
↳ james potter

-

Sirius considered himself stupid. He knew it before of course, but coming back to Hogwarts birthed an entire new brand of stupidity. Mrs. Potter had always told him that he would regret the decisions his impulsiveness got him into. Sirius always thought he liked his impulsiveness. It kept him on the edge of things, the spur of the moment just in case he needed to bounce. Sirius' life was constantly lived on thin ice, a razor blade with fun on one side and common sense on the other.

So, in reality, he should've known he'd get into this mess. He should've known that his impulsive tendencies would kick in. That's probably why he found himself kissing a Ravenclaw girl in the astronomy tower as soon as he returned, then a Hufflepuff boy in the broom closet, then another Hufflepuff in the shadows of the kitchen.

It was Millie's fault, technically. He thought they'd come back and be friends. He thought the term "friends" would be easy to keep, even with his one sided feelings. He thought Millie would be slow about getting back into the game. He thought she'd be easy to be around. He thought his feelings for her would be easy to hide.

Then Benji started telling him about how many boys Millie had gone out with just in the two weeks since they'd returned. He listened in silence when he overheard Millie telling Demetria what a good kisser a fifth year Slytherin was.

So he had acted on impulse and kissed the first person who seemed interested in him. Then he found someone else, and someone else. Kissing, to him, wasn't too important. It was just a pleasurable action that made him forget. Forget Millie specifically.

Sirius dreamt about her sometimes. Since they returned, he's had at least three dreams about her. One in particular stuck with him, but that's only because she sighed his name so sweetly, and it felt so real.

He thought often what it would be like if Millie saw him in the same light she saw the things she loved the most. Like the way her eyes lit up when she saw Demetria walk into a room, or how she couldn't keep from smiling when she found a shade of lipstick that matched her outfit.

Sirius thought they had made a lot of progress over Christmas break, but he found himself simultaneously wanting more, and hoping that a time would come when Millie would admit that she liked him too.

He found himself wondering if there was anything he could do to make himself desirable enough.

-

Millie considered herself stupid. Of all the years to forget her own birthday, she managed to forget this one, when she and Benji would both officially be seventeen. The time they would be adults in the wizarding world, and yet Millie hadn't even thought of getting him a present.

Their birthday was right after Valentine's Day, for goodness' sake.  She had a little under a month to get him a gift, and at this point she'd have to make it herself, since she barely had any money left after buying Christmas gifts.

Her savior came in a package of messy black hair and wire-framed glasses. "Millie! My girl! Just who I wanted to see!"

Millie turned at the sound, surprised to see James running across the courtyard, giant easel in one arm, and his paints and canvas in the other. "Do you need help?"

James nodded fervently, and when  Millie lifted the heavy bag of paints off of him, he sighed in relief. "Thanks so much. I forgot how tiring that hill is."

"Why were you painting outside?" Millie asked, but got her answer when she peered at James' painting.

It was a mermaid sitting by the sea. Her black hair was tossed by the waves and her cheeks were a pinkish hue as she accepted a rose from a sailor boy. "I drew it for my parents," he explained. "Their anniversary is soon and I thought a new painting would look good in our parlor. Plus I'm sick of seeing the cat drawing from fifth grade still on the wall like it's something to boast about."