What It Means To Be Me

You Are My World

Getting back aboard the bus, I realized that someone was still there. I thought they had all gone out to eat before setup that night. Right as I was about to follow Cole into my room, I saw Ryder's door open from the corner of my eye and felt my breath hitch slightly.

Uh-oh, he's mad about something...

Cole turned, raising a brow at me. I glanced his way since Ryder didn't answer.

I'm gonna talk to him. I promise I won't do anything stupid again.

I saw a faint hint of doubt in his eyes, but then he gave a small smile and nodded before walking into my room. The door shut behind him a moment later, allowing me to return my attention to my bandmate.

"Uh...hey."

Ryder pursed his lips, anger flaring from him, which he tried, yet failed, to hide. Instead of talking out there, he sighed and turned around, walking back into his room. I stepped inside and shut his door, watching as he dropped down onto his small bed. I'd spent many days in it with him, letting our bodies sate the other's needs...but I had to put a final stop to that now. Cole was my mate, the one my wolf had chosen years ago, and now my human side wanted him just as much as my animal one did. It wasn't nearly as simple as my relationship had been with Ryder, in which we just wanted to breed without consequence. No. I wanted Cole for breeding, sure, but I also wanted to protect him, give him everything, and be the one he gave his whole self to. And I could feel that I was close to that. So close. So no matter how many times I had lain with Ryder, it was ending now.

"Ryder, I—"

"Don't. Just, shut up for a minute, Tanner."

My wolf wanted to growl at him for telling me to be quiet, but I could tell this was hard for him so I shut my mouth and bit my wolf's tongue. It was quiet for about four minutes before Ryder finally looked back up at me and began to speak. He seemed resigned, but at least his anger was mostly gone.

"Listen...Tanner. I...I thought we would eventually have something more..."

My cheeks heated slightly, but in my head, my wolf was scoffing. My wolf had what he wanted, and had always wanted, in the other room. Ryder had just been something to sate our needs until we could win over his true mate. Nothing more. However...to me, Ryder wasn't just a quick screw, even if it took me up until just now to realize that. His grin faltered, and my heart mirrored the slight gesture. I honestly felt terrible for leading him on for so long. I hadn't noticed he was becoming attached... and hell, I hadn't even known that sleeping with someone else while going after a different person was technically that bad.

"I'm not going to do something stupid like kick you out of the band, 'cause we both know you make it."

My eyes blinked several times, trying to keep tears from building up in them. I wasn't one to cry if I could help it, but I wasn't afraid to do so if appropriate.

"I also won't kick your friend off the bus, 'cause it's obvious just how much he means to you."

I was about to open my mouth to thank him when he held up a hand, stopping my words for a second time.

"However, if you start slacking with practice, I will take all the peanut butter out of the fridge and make the biggest damned peanut butter and jelly sandwich...then eat it all in front of you."

Oh damn, he was serious. And crazy.

"I-I'll keep working hard," I half-shouted, desperation in my voice at just the thought of lost peanut budder. Ryder chuckled and got up, grabbing me in a strong hug before shoving me toward the door.