My Hope 「J.Hoseok」

{Chp.4 "Alley"}

I am so happy.
I don't know why but ever since Hoseok, Jungkook, and Yoongi had become my friends my heart started to open again.
But...I know deep down I'm still hurt by all the things I have done in the past.

As much as I love them..I still can't forgive myself from what I did.
If they ever find out I know they'll never see me as the same.
Im happy but Im scared.
- - -

I woke up in bed. As usual the sun hits my faces. I got up and opened the curtain. I looked outside and stared.
As I stared..flashbacks came back.
Blood.
Sweat.
Tears.
Murder.
...Death

My anxiety rose up which causes me to pass out. I fell down to the floor and everything went black. I heard steps running towards me.

"Oh no dear!! not again!" A faint voice said.

Lucky I woke up 5 minutes after I passed out. If I were passed out for hours I would've gone back to the doctor and for my own reasoning the doctor is the last place I would want to go to. They all think I'm insane every time I tell them that I was just having flashbacks from the past.

"Are you okay dear?" my grandma asked me as she stroked my forehead.
My grandpa was at work, so ma was the only one that was with me.

"I don't think you should go to school today.." My grandma insisted.

I quickly got up and said,
"No! I'll go. I'm sure I'll be fine!"

I know my grandma was concerned but I had to be strong.

I stood up from my bed and I quickly got ready to go to school. From the corner of my eye as I was packing and changing I knew my grandma was worried, sitting on my bed silently looking at me.
     "Dear..please don't push yourself." She says.

I stopped my steps. I slightly turned my head toward her.

"Ma..I know you are worried about me but I need to get stronger..I can't keep on living in the past." I say

Silence filled in the room for a couple of seconds. I grabbed my last notebook and putted in my school bag. I opened the door and I started to walk out slowly with my bag.
     "Goodbye..." I say

I walked down the street and I stopped at a convenient store. I walked to the aisle were the meat was. I grabbed the tiniest meat I could find and bought it.

The meat was for the cat in the dark alley.

The alley was just across the street from the store. I walked to it and waited for the cat to come out. It always come out when I just stand there patiently. But this time it wasn't there. It just seems like there is no life in the alley.

"Kitty?" I call out to the cat.

I slowly entered in looking around. I putted the meat that I bought on the ground.

"Where ever you are...I'll just leave this here" I say to the darkness.

"Who are you talking to?" a sudden voice startled me. I jumped and turned around backing away quickly until I slip because of the meat.

I started to fall back until I felt a hand trying to grab me by my waist. My arms reacted on its own, they interlock on that someone's neck. I closed my eyes trying to push myself up. I buried my head onto the persons shoulders.

I breathed heavily. It all happened so quickly.
     "You alright?" The person asked me.

My head was buried on his shoulders. Until I realized on what of situation I was in. I slowly opened my eyes and looked at who it was.
     "U-Uh-U..." I stuttered.

It was Yoongi. I somehow felt relief it wasn't anyone that I did not know.

Before I could say anything suddenly someone interrupted.
     "Hyung!! I got the drinks and Hoseo- WHAT" Jungkook appeared.

Yoongi pushed me away. I was confused.

"She almost fell" Yoongi suddenly said.

I looked at him and I quickly thanked him with a bow. I owe him one.

Jungkook looked at us suspicious look.
"Nothing happen kid I saved her life geez" Suga coldly said.

I stood there without saying anything.
Until Hoseok walked into the whole situation.

"Hey what's going on?" He asked.

I looked at him and he looked at me. We locked our eye contact.
"Oh hi Y/n" He smiled brightly.

Yoongi walked to Jungkook and Hoseok and I followed.
"Sorry..please don't misunderstand anything" I forced a smile to Jungkook.

I glanced at Hoseok and I was happy to see him but I didn't know that I was happy that time.

"Well whatever happened we should get going" Hoseok says.

We got out of the alley and walked to school. I didn't say anything but I could see that Hoseok kept looking at me.

"By the way Y/n" Hoseok said.

I looked at him.
"Do you know Jiyeon?" He asked.

I stopped my steps. My heart sank. I look down in fear.

They looked back at me.
"You okay noona?" Jungkook asked.

"She said you guys use to be good friends" Hoseok continued.

Yeah use to...

"She wants to talk to you." He said.

"Oh you mean Yeoni-ssi?" Yoongi said.

At that moment I felt like all of my memories were coming back. I started to tremble. I turned around and I quickly ran back home.
"Sorry" I said.

"Wait Y/n!!!" They called out to me.
I didn't stop I kept running and running. Tears came down my face when I reach the front door of my house.

Why..suddenly darkness came over me again. Why do I have to live this life. Why...what did I do. Why did she leave me. Why...

- - -
3 years ago

"Y/n your it!!" Jiyeon said.
She ran around while I try to chase her.
We laughed and we were happy.
We were the best of friends.

...

Until she saw what I did. I did 'that' in front of her.

"Are You Crazy!!!???? What Are You Doing?!!!? DO Something!!!" She yelled at me. She screamed.

I trembled and looked at her with fear in my eyes.
*Bang*

"AHHHHH!!!" Jiyeon screams as she ran away from me.

I couldn't do anything. I was in fear. Tears started to roll down.

Blood. Blood was all over me. I was frighted. I couldn't do anything.

...
From that time. Jiyeon stopped talking to me.