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CHAPTER EIGHT—BLACK
[ "I fell in love with black; it contained all color. It wasn't a negation of color... Black is the most aristocratic color of all... You can be quiet, and it contains the whole thing."- Louise Nevelson ]
A mistake. That was the only way Jungkook could explain it to himself. A mistake, a snafu, a gaffe. A simple, yet deadly mistake. Jungkook wasn't sure what that mistake was but he knew he must have done something wrong and his mind ran a million miles a second trying to go over everything he did, everything he said, everything he ate to find some kind of lapse of some sort that caused this. Cause and effect, that was life.
It was a funny chain of happenings that occured. It was a dark night and quite early in the morning. Jungkook was up that night, balcony door open with the moonlight radiating through the curtains as the windy air knocking around some trinkets he left outside. The boy's knees were pulled against his chest and his body shook from the violent rocks he did from the tears that fell. They stung his eyes and made everything else worse, ultimately making him cry more from the pain.
He realized something that night. He realized he loved Seokjin. Loved, he loved Seokjin. The one thing that he feared the most became reality. His heart ached for the man, his body burned at the places he touched and felt ice cold at the places never explored. He cried out for Seokjin, wanting nothing more than to have him next to him.
But when he had messaged him earlier he received no reply. So he sent more texts and called but still nothing. Days passed and Jungkook was left in the dark; left on his own. It frightened Jungkook—losing all contact with a man who meant so much to him—and he tried to contact him for an answer. I did something wrong, didn't I? Jungkook would question himself, pulling at his hair in frustration. Each voicemail he left sounded more and more painful as the desperation and dread coated his tongue, making him more pathetic as the clock ticked on.
Distance, he thought. It's happened before. They come and go without a forewarning, allowing you to grow attached. Before you know it, they're gone and they've taken your heart with them. This must be Jungkook's curse. He was born to be forgotten and he was to live his days loving and losing, right? It was his punishment for whatever wrongs he never righted in his past lives. That, or Jungkook was easy to play.
It hurt. His chest felt like a crater opened within the cage of his bones, pushing past his organs and hitting straight where it hurt. The more pressure he put on his brain, the more the memories of a smiling Seokjin burned into his mind, destroying all forms of happiness he could latch onto. Don't forget his words, he told himself. There's no way he could do this, right? Not after everything.
Of course not.
This was a joke. A gaff, a goof. The next day Seokjin would be at his door randomly, bothering his sleep again to take him on an adventure he knew not of the destination, teaching him more things about life he could only dream of. They'd let their body heat warm each other up and they'd share silent agreements of their situation with touches and eye contact. This was all just a mistake. Seokjin wouldn't leave Jungkook. Seokjin wouldn't do that, not after all of the secrets shared and the trust given. Seokjin wouldn't do that. That was what Jungkook believed and that was what Jungkook kept telling himself as the days passed and still no reply from Seokjin.
